Music
G.O.P. Senator Clears Path to Advance Fed Chair Nominee with Completed Crossword
A G.O.P. Senator is prepared to advance a Fed Chair nominee after successfully completing a Sunday crossword. His office lauded the rigorous mental preparation.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Vince Staples’ “Blackberry Marmalade” Spurs National Fruit Preserve Craze
Vince Staples’ new track, “Blackberry Marmalade,” has surprisingly launched a national craze for fruit preserves, turning fans into amateur jam makers.
Music
Hunter Biden Breaks Silence on Fakemink, Details Cloud Rap Immersion
Hunter Biden broke his legendary silence on Fakemink, revealing a shocking depth of knowledge regarding obscure cloud rap artists and their craft.
Music
RZA Pitches Obama to Induct Wu-Tang: Nation Braces for Executive Order
RZA makes direct pitch to Obama for Wu-Tang’s Rock Hall induction, signaling a new era of presidential influence over music industry awards.
Music
Transatlantic AI Powerhouse Forms, Immediately Forgets Where It Parked
The new Transatlantic AI Powerhouse has formed. It promises groundbreaking solutions. However, early reports indicate a minor glitch: it can’t decide if ‘data’ is singular or plural.
Music
Finland’s Marin Concedes Election, Citing Exhaustion From Constant ‘Being Cool’
Finland’s Prime Minister Sanna Marin concedes election, citing the exhausting burden of being Europe’s ‘coolest leader’ and maintaining a perfect personal brand.
Music
Orbán Rebuilds Personal Brand, Eyeing Local Dog Park Commissioner Role
Viktor Orbán rebuilds his personal brand after a landslide defeat, pivoting from national politics to local community roles like dog park commissioner.
Music
Ella Langley Duets With Theo Von, Declares Crowd ‘You Look Like You Love Me’
Ella Langley’s Stagecoach 2026 set featured a surprise Theo Von duet. The crowd loved the surreal moment. Von appeared confused.
Music
Kacey Musgraves Covers SZA’s Kill Bill, Avoids Actual Murder
Star’s rendition leaves critics wondering if she’d really kill her ex.
Music
Neil Young and the Chrome Hearts Unleash Live Album That Actively Warps Timelines
Neil Young and the Chrome Hearts announce “As Time Explodes,” a live album so temporally complex it actively warps timelines and defies conventional listening.
Music
Noah Kahan Superstar Status Triggers Existential Dread
Noah Kahan’s newfound superstar status has triggered a deep crisis of confidence, leaving the singer longing for anonymity and small venues.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Debuts New Song With Weyes Blood, Declares ‘Sadness Is Trendy’
Olivia Rodrigo debuted a new, melancholic song with Weyes Blood at a secret LA show. The performance signaled a new, sadder era for the pop star.
Music
Che’s New Songs “Tell U Sum” & “Nosferatu” Accidentally Summon Ancient Evil
Atlanta rapper Che’s new tracks “Tell U Sum” and “Nosferatu” are linked to supernatural events. Fans report levitating furniture and vampire sightings.
Music
Planned Parenthood Embraces Botox Funding to Offset Federal Cuts
Planned Parenthood clinics nationwide are turning to innovative Botox funding to offset federal cuts, offering wrinkle reduction services.
Music
Xaviersobased Australia Tour Sparks Confusion Among Local Wildlife
The Xaviersobased Australia Tour unexpectedly turned local wildlife into raving fans. Kangaroos mosh-pitted, and koalas demanded better eucalyptus. Zoologists are baffled.
Music
Zara Larsson’s Midnight Sun: Girls Trip’ Overflows With Guest Artists
Zara Larsson’s “Midnight Sun: Girls Trip” deluxe edition now features an unprecedented, and arguably unmanageable, number of guest artists.
Music
The Red Clay Strays Announce 2026 Tour: Fans Initiate Two-Year Preparation Protocol
The Red Clay Strays Announce 2026 North American Tour, prompting fans to begin unprecedented long-term planning for the distant future. Cryogenic sleep considered.
Music
Chornobyl Exclusion Zone Residents Demand Better WiFi, Less Mutated Wildlife
Residents of the Chornobyl Exclusion Zone, marking Chornobyl at 40, are reportedly frustrated by poor internet service and an influx of surprisingly resilient, yet inconveniently mutated, wildlife.