Music
New Olivia Rodrigo Single ‘drop dead gorgeous’ Claims First Literal Victims
Olivia Rodrigo’s new single ‘drop dead gorgeous’ causes literal fatalities, as listeners are found perfectly preserved and aesthetically pleasing.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
S.G. Goodman Butthole Surfers Cover Causes Existential Crisis
S.G. Goodman’s studio version of her Butthole Surfers cover “Pepper” has triggered an unexpected wave of existential dread across the globe.
Music
Indie Band Pope’s New Singles Spark Papal Panic
Indie rock band Pope’s new singles “John Thomas” and “Sick Minute” caused widespread confusion at the Vatican, leading to a “code red” for papal PR.
Music
Tyla Taps Zara Larsson For “She Did It Again”; World Braces For Impact
Tyla and Zara Larsson team up for “She Did It Again,” sparking fears of uncontrollable dancing and earworm overload.
Music
Madonna, Sabrina Carpenter Duet Crashes Coachella Servers With Pure Star Power
Madonna and Sabrina Carpenter’s Coachella duet caused server meltdowns and divine visions. Pure star power overloaded systems. A true Madonna, Sabrina Carpenter moment.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Denies Playing ‘Drop Dead’ for Robert Smith
Olivia Rodrigo clarified she did not play ‘Drop Dead’ for Robert Smith, ending fan speculation. She played him other songs instead.
Music
Ashley McBryde’s “Lines In The Carpet” Single Manifests Literal Floor Patterns Nationwide
Ashley McBryde’s new single “Lines In The Carpet” is literally causing lines to appear in carpets nationwide, baffling experts and homeowners.
Music
WU LYF Rescheduling US Reunion Tour Due to “Existential” Visa Issues
WU LYF Rescheduling US Reunion Tour due to “existential” visa roadblocks. Officials cited an inability to process “non-corporeal” entities.
Music
European Kanye West Concerts Canceled Due to Unexpected Lack of Enthusiasm
Another European Kanye West concert was canceled as venues cite ‘logistical challenges’ and ‘an aversion to historical revisionism’ in a growing trend of refusals.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo’s New Song ‘drop dead’ Promises Existential Dread
Olivia Rodrigo’s new song ‘drop dead’ launches a new era of existential dread. Fans are ready for more profound angst.
Music
Billie Eilish Encourages Fans to Sing and Scream All Lyrics in Theater
Billie Eilish encourages fans to sing and scream all the lyrics in theaters for her new doc. James Cameron calls it ‘oceanic chaos.’
Music
Zayn Malik Hospitalized Day Of Album Release, Blames ‘Konnakol’ Flu
Zayn Malik hospitalized with ‘Konnakol Flu’ on album release day. Doctors cite rhythmic overload from his new album.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Drops Single, Drops Self On Stage
Olivia Rodrigo’s new single ‘Drop Dead’ references The Cure and features a literal fall. A bold artistic statement.
Music
Billboard China SPOTLIGHT Issues Shine on Artists with Zero Discography
Billboard China’s new ‘SPOTLIGHT’ issues highlight “exceptional artists worldwide,” featuring SMTR25, a trainee group with no public releases, prompting industry confusion.
Music
María Zardoya’s Not for Radio Drops Spring-Ready EP ‘Bloom’
María Zardoya’s Not for Radio dropped EP ‘Bloom,’ claiming the songs were too good for Coachella. The EP features unexpected cowbell.
Music
Demi Lovato Struts Into Dance Era, Low Rise Jeans Signal New Sound
Demi Lovato embraces her dance era and low rise jeans on new single. The bold fashion choice signals a new sonic direction for the artist.
Music
Golomb’s New EP The Beat Goes On And On And On Is Too Long
Golomb’s new EP The Beat Goes On And On And On is so long, listeners are experiencing fatigue and temporal displacement.
Music
Underscores Pop-Up U-Haul Draws Line Of People Seeking Clean Clothes
Underscores hosted a U-Haul pop-up offering laundry services and music. It followed her dry cleaner DJ set.