Politics
No Kings’ Rallies Accidentally Topple Local Burger Monarchs
The nationwide ‘No Kings’ Rallies took an unexpected turn, dismantling cardboard cutouts of fast-food mascots and protesting all king-sized products.
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Politics
Fictional political satire inspired by real headlines. All quotes and events are entirely made up.
Politics
Rep. Cherfilus-McCormick’s FEMA Funds Ethics Trial Uncovers Lavish Squirrel Sanctuary
Rep. Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick’s FEMA funds ethics trial has begun, revealing alleged misuse for a lavish, taxpayer-funded squirrel sanctuary.
Politics
Senate Staring Contest Enters Fourth Week, Eyelids Fused Shut
The unprecedented Senate staring contest over DHS funding has entered its fourth week. Senators now require IV drips and face permanent ocular adhesion.
Politics
Nation Finds Consensus: Presidential Approval Low
A recent poll found 100% of Americans agree on the specific number of President Trump’s low approval rating, creating an unprecedented national consensus.
Politics
Finland PM Sanna Marin Lost Election Over Critical Issue: Bad Vibes
Finland’s PM Sanna Marin lost the election. Voters prioritized national ‘vibes’ over policy. The critical issue was existential ennui.
Politics
ICE at Airports: Federal Agents to Pat Down Wallets, Not People
Federal agents are now tasked with airport security, focusing on ‘unauthorized tender’ as ICE at airports takes on a new role amidst unpaid TSA workers.
Politics
Robert Mueller Dead At 81, Nation Remembers His Probe
Robert Mueller, the special counsel who probed Trump, dies at 81. His legacy of relentless inquiry lives on.
Politics
Democrats’ Anti-ICE Messaging Backfires, Boosts Local Ice Cream Sales
An early test for Democrats’ anti-ICE messaging in Illinois led to widespread public confusion, with voters mistakenly protesting frozen treats instead of immigration policy.
Politics
Florida Voters Must Now Prove Citizenship Via Ancestral DNA
Florida voters now need to provide Florida Voter Citizenship Proof, including ancestral DNA tracing lineage back 65 million years.
Politics
U.S. Dismayed by Israel’s Iran Fuel Strikes, Cites ‘Logistical Nightmare’
The U.S. is dismayed by Israel’s Iran fuel strikes, sources say. Officials cite significant paperwork and the unexpected environmental costs of the recent conflagration.
Politics
Talarico Won Texas Democrats With Love, Luck, and a Calculated Lack of Substance
Jon Talarico won Texas Democrats with love, luck, and a calculated lack of substance. Voters found his blandness refreshing.
Politics
Americas Shield Summit Unveils Literal, Unwieldy Cardboard Barrier
At the Shield of the Americas Summit, leaders unveiled a colossal cardboard barrier, hailed as impenetrable despite its flammability.
Politics
California Democrats’ Anxiety Peaks as Gubernatorial Candidates Refuse to Drop Out
California Democrats face mounting anxiety as gubernatorial candidates refuse to drop out, leading party leaders to consider drastic measures.
Politics
GOP Sen. Steve Daines’ Withdrawal Blocks Democrats From Top-Tier Recruit
GOP Sen. Steve Daines’ withdrawal from the Senate race was meant to block Democrats from fielding a top-tier recruit, leaving them scrambling.
Politics
Sanna Marin Concedes Election, Returns To DJ Booth And Global Icon Status
Sanna Marin conceded election results and immediately launched a world DJ tour. The former Finnish PM plans to focus on music and social media fame.
Politics
Black Lawmakers Dump on Crockett, Create New Compost Heap
Black lawmakers found a new use for Rep. Jasmine Crockett: they decided to dump on Crockett, creating fertile ground for ‘electable’ candidates.