TO: All Regional Live Nation Vice Presidents
FROM: Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation
DATE: October 14, 2024
RE: Mandatory Preparation for Chappell Roan Benefit Shows
LOS ANGELES—We are mandatory-attending the upcoming Chappell Roan benefit shows at the Shrine Auditorium. Pop icons Caroline Polachek, Tinashe, and Lola Young will headline this LGBTQ+ fundraiser. Corporate management expects full thematic alignment from all suit-wearing staff in the upper balcony.
Choreography Requirements
Staff must memorize every high-kick routine before the first night. We cannot afford passive standing during peak synth-pop moments. "Our corporate data shows that sedentary executives ruin the balcony vibe," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "If you do not high-kick during the chorus, security will escort you out."
We expect total immersion for these Chappell Roan benefit shows. Please review the attached PDF regarding proper glitter application. You must apply bio-degradable face shimmer before entering the venue lobby. HR will inspect all cheekbones at the metal detectors.
Attire And Morale
Standard corporate attire is strictly banned. Mid-level managers must wear custom pink cowboy hats. "We bought three thousand neon hats using our emergency catering budget," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "It is a high-risk asset allocation that must yield maximum crowd energy."
Please note that venue concessions will only sell pink lemonade. Do not ask for still water or plain espresso. Management designed these Chappell Roan benefit shows to maximize visual color harmony on our official livestream feed. At press time, Live Nation docked three managers' pay for failing to harmonize during Muna's soundcheck.
