BALTIMORE—An experimental jazz-fusion track has triggered a regional wildlife crisis after the new single Crying Laughing Geese Six inadvertently broadcasted highly accurate migration commands. The song features an aggressive, honking saxophone solo. Park rangers say the track mobilized over forty thousand local waterfowl. The birds now march in tight military formations. They demand free admission to the band's upcoming album release show.
The Saxophone Call to Arms
Local authorities first noticed the strange behavior on Tuesday afternoon. "The frequency of that saxophone honk mimics a very specific nesting threat," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "When humans play Crying Laughing Geese Six, the local bird population hears a declaration of war. They are currently occupying three Starbucks patios in downtown Baltimore."
The band members expressed immediate regret over the sonic confusion. They did not mean to start an avian revolution with their avant-garde music. "We just wanted to blend celestial keyboards with a rumbling bassline," explained bassist Marcus Thill. "We did not expect the song Crying Laughing Geese Six to make the geese organize a union. They have already elected a spokesperson. He is a very large, very angry gander named Gregory."
Park Rangers Retreat
Park officials tried to disperse the birds by playing traditional pop music. However, the geese only respond to complex time signatures. The birds have rejected all mainstream radio hits. They continue to honk in perfect unison with the band's syncopated rhythm. Residents have been advised to avoid carrying breadcrumbs or wearing shiny jewelry near the flock.
At press time, the geese had successfully commandeered a local college radio station to play Crying Laughing Geese Six on a continuous, twenty-four-hour loop.
