TO: All Staff, Heat Crimes Records
FROM: Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer
DATE: September 5, 2024
RE: Crisis management for drone metal priest live debut
PHILADELPHIA—We must contain the narrative regarding the drone metal priest Father Dionysios Tabakis ahead of his Making Time festival set. Recent leaks of his old blog posts have compromised our brand strategy. We must spin his extreme homophobia and Golden Dawn associations into a digestible aesthetic. Do not panic. Our target audience of noise music fans routinely forgives terrible things if the feedback loop is loud enough.
The Sanctification Spin
We need to address the 2013 neo-Nazi office blessing immediately. Staff must refer to this event exclusively as an "experimental spatial cleansing ritual." If music journalists ask about the Golden Dawn connection, tell them it was an immersive, non-consensual performance art piece. Our priority is keeping the drone metal priest on the bill.
"The priest is simply exploring the sonic architecture of spiritual decay," said Rusty Calhoun, retired stadium acoustician and current crisis consultant. "He is not a bigot. He is just extremely devoted to the low-frequency vibrations of traditional Greek hatred. It sounds great on vinyl."
Visual Rebranding Guidelines
Please ensure the merchandise booth sells only pitch-black cassocks. We will market the homophobic blog posts as "transgressive medieval liturgy." Do not allow the drone metal priest to speak to the crowd. He must only produce feedback. We have also replaced his standard incense burner with a fog machine loaded with vape juice to appeal to the youth.
At press time, we have decided to just blame the whole thing on a rogue algorithm and hope the sub-bass frequencies permanently damage the hearing of any local reporters in attendance.
