TO: All Venue Operations Staff
FROM: Garth Brooks Global Experience Group
RE: Garth Brooks setlist protocol for the 'Blame It All On My Roots' arena tour kick-off
Team, we must control the narrative for the upcoming Garth Brooks setlist. The country music icon demands total emotional submission from every ticket holder. Do not let the audience look at their phones during the deep cuts. We must guide their tears. If a fan does not cry during 'The Dance,' security will escort them to the nearest exit immediately.
Strict Emotional Cue Schedules
Our research shows that spontaneity hurts merchandise sales. We need structured passion. During the second verse of 'Friends in Low Places,' staff will release synthetic beer mist into the upper decks. This will trigger nostalgia. You can view the official Garth Brooks website for the exact timing of these atmospheric releases. We must synchronize the weeping.
"We designed this Garth Brooks setlist to bypass human free will," said Wren Adebayo-Kowalski, Head of Sincerity at OpenAI, who consulted on the tour's emotional algorithm. "Our machine learning models predicted that a 12-minute acoustic version of 'Thunder Rolls' will cause 84% of fathers in the arena to text their estranged sons. We need those texts sent before the encore."
Mandatory Sing-Along Decibels
The crowd must sing at a minimum of 110 decibels during the choruses. Microphones hanging from the rafters will monitor local participation. If a section falls below the threshold, we will disable their beer taps. We want raw, unfiltered country music passion, even if we have to force it through their throats. Please review the Garth Brooks Wikipedia page to study his history of crowd control tactics.
"The Garth Brooks setlist is not a suggestion," said Brenda Snopes, Vice President of Audience Compliance at Ticketmaster. "It is a contract written in sweat and denim. If Garth points the microphone at you, you sing. If you do not know the words, you hum loudly. We have snipers with t-shirt cannons ready to enforce this."
Please memorize these rules before doors open. We must make this look like the most organic, life-changing night of their lives so we can justify charging $400 for a souvenir program. Good luck out there.
