TO: All Venue Staff
FROM: Operations Management
DATE: October 24, 2023
RE: Protocols For Phoebe Bridgers Haunted Vibe
Staff must prepare immediately for the upcoming acoustic show at the Cherry Lane Theatre. Singer Phoebe Bridgers brings a Phoebe Bridgers haunted vibe to the venue this week. Director Lance Oppenheim curated this special three-song set. We expect intense atmospheric gloom. Staff members should brace for sudden drops in ambient room temperature.
Mandatory Ghost Protocol
Do not look the phantom lingering near the soundboard in the eyes. That ghost signed an exclusive merch deal with Boygenius last Tuesday. "The spectral energy in the lobby is already off the charts," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "Our sensors indicate a 400% increase in indie-rock sorrow."
We must control this Phoebe Bridgers haunted vibe before the second song. Bartenders will only serve warm gin and melted ice. Tissues are strictly prohibited inside the main auditorium. We cannot afford another emotional flood in the front row.
Sound Check Guidelines
Security must monitor all emergency exits. Fans might try to manifest Victorian-era apparitions during the chorus. Keep all fog machines turned off. The natural fog generated by solemn acoustic guitars will suffice. Audio engineers must balance the heavy, sorrowful bass frequencies carefully.
Management asks everyone to remain calm if the walls start weeping tear-shaped droplets. We need this show to run smoothly. We must clear the stage quickly before the lingering Phoebe Bridgers haunted vibe summons a full coven of sad teenagers who refuse to leave at closing time.
