LOS ANGELES—Industry insiders confirmed today that the highly anticipated Kendrick Lamar movie remains stuck in limbo. Creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker took full responsibility for the delay. The musical follows a Black reenactor at a slave plantation museum. Kendrick Lamar signed on to write original songs. However, production stopped when the script vanished into a living room sofa.
1. The screenplay slipped into a microfiber void
The creators admitted they lost the entire third act of the Kendrick Lamar movie during a football game. Parker dropped the draft while reaching for a potato chip. The paper slipped past the cushions and entered an unreachable dimension.
2. Lamar refused to rap over muffled muffled sofa cushions
The rap star declined to record vocals while the writers searched the upholstery. "We tried to get Kendrick to perform in the living room," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "But his microphone kept picking up loose quarters and dog hair."
3. The legal team rejected a sticky rewrite
Lawyers at Paramount Pictures refused to read the recovered pages. The studio cited sticky syrup stains on page forty. Executives claimed the physical state of the script violated standard health codes.
4. Stone spent three weeks stuck in the recliner
Matt Stone attempted to retrieve the Kendrick Lamar movie pages by crawling inside the chair. The mechanical footrest clamped shut on his torso. Local firefighters spent hours extracting the animator from the faux-leather mechanism.
5. The duo accidentally pitched a movie about a dusty mint
The writers mistook a calcified wintergreen Lifesaver for a plot outline. They spent four days pitching a story about a mint that lived under a cushion. The studio did not approve the budget for the candy musical.
6. The lost draft was replaced by a Papa Johns receipt
At press time, the creators realized they had accidentally sent a garlic knot receipt to the filming crew, who are currently shooting a three-hour dramatic monologue about extra dipping sauce.
