TO: All Reform UK Staff
FROM: Nigel Farage, Party Leader
RE: Allocation of our recent £36 million mega-donation
Team, we must handle our recent £36 million mega-donation with extreme care. As you know, a generous British crypto billionaire just gifted us this historic sum. We must now convert every single pound of this mega-donation into dogecoin. We will store the entire fortune on a single USB drive. I will personally keep this drive in my left sock for safekeeping.
The Conversion Process
This mega-donation represents a new era for Reform UK. We do not trust traditional banks. Banks represent the globalist elite. Instead, we will buy dogecoin from an online exchange. I have already set up our official account under the username 'BrexitBillionaire69'. Please do not share this username with the press.
"We are bypassing the corrupt financial system entirely," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "Storing millions in volatile memecoins is the only logical step for a serious political party. It shows they are men of the people who enjoy digital dogs."
Security Protocol
Do not touch the USB drive. It has a sticker of a union jack on it. If we lose the password, we lose the party. I wrote the password on a sticky note. I taped it to the office microwave.
We must win the next election using these digital tokens. We will pay our campaign staff in dogecoin. We will buy our billboard ads with dogecoin. If the market crashes, we will simply ask for another mega-donation from another pardoned investor. This is how modern economics works.
Sincerely,
Nigel
Dictated but not read. If the dogecoin price drops below one cent today, please delete this email and pretend we are a charity again.
