BUENOS AIRES—An Argentine judge dismissed all fraud charges against President Javier Milei on Tuesday, ruling that promoting a volatile meme coin scam is no longer illegal because traditional finance operates on identical principles of imaginary value.
Q: Counsel, please state your witness for the record.
A: The prosecution calls Goldman Sachs analyst Barnaby Quill to testify on the mechanics of the digital currency scandal.
Q: Mr. Quill, can you explain how the president promoted this meme coin?
A: Certainly. He posted a photo of a dog wearing a chainsaw on social media. Investors immediately poured millions of dollars into tokenized air.
Q: And then the value collapsed to zero within twenty minutes?
A: Yes. That is standard market behavior. It is what we call financial discovery.
Q: But wasn't that a coordinated rug pull designed to enrich insiders?
A: Rug pull is a harsh term. We prefer the phrase high-velocity wealth reallocation. Every major global asset class operates this way. The central bank just uses nicer stationery.
Q: Are you saying the entire global economic system is a meme coin?
A: Absolutely. The US Dollar is just a green paper token backed by military force and collective delusion. At least the dog coin had a fun website. I put my pension into it this morning.
Q: Mr. Quill, you are under oath. Is any digital asset backed by real utility?
A: Utility is an outdated twentieth-century concept. Money exists only because we all pretend it does. Yesterday I bought a house using four cartoon pictures of an angry ape. The notary did not even blink.
At press time, the presiding judge officially converted the entire national debt of Argentina into a newly launched cat-themed token.
