NEW YORK—After ten long years, Wu-Tang Clan member Method Man finally listened to Once Upon a Time in Shaolin. Journalist Pablo Torre hosted the exclusive listening session. The veteran rapper gave his honest Method Man first impression during the party. His glowing summary of the rare album was simple: 'I don’t hate it.' Here are five shocking takeaways from his historic reaction.
1. He Confirmed It Is Indeed Audio
Method Man spent a decade assuming the album was actually a decorative cheese wheel. Hearing actual soundwaves emerge from the speakers surprised the rapper. 'It has bass, treble, and vocals,' said Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Hip-Hop Forensic Science. 'That technically fulfills the definition of music.'
2. Martin Shkreli Left Fingerprint Smudges on the CD Case
The rapper spent four minutes examining the outer packaging before hitting play. He noted several sticky smudges left by former owner Martin Shkreli. Method Man paused the session to sanitize his hands with industrial bleach.
3. He Thought Cilvaringz Was a Local Pest Control Company
Producer Cilvaringz spent years assembling the secret project in total secrecy. Method Man admitted he thought Cilvaringz was just the guy who sprayed the studio for silverfish. 'The beats are okay for an exterminator,' noted Method Man during the third track.
4. The Album Sounds Surprisingly Like 1997
The tracks rely heavily on classic sampling techniques and analog mixing. Method Man noted the production made him instantly crave a pair of oversized Timberland boots. He spent two full tracks staring at a wall while remembering the 1990s.
5. He Offered to Buy It Back for Eighteen Dollars
After giving his lukewarm Method Man first impression, he reached into his pocket. He offered the current owners a crisp twenty-dollar bill and asked for two dollars in change. The owners declined, citing the album's original two-million-dollar price tag.
