LOS ANGELES—Pop star Olivia Rodrigo announced a new Olivia Rodrigo expectations remix featuring Chappell Roan. The track drops next week. However, fans must clear a psychological screening first. Label executives confirmed the requirement on Tuesday.
The Mandatory Vibe Check
Listeners must upload proof of recent heartbreak to access the audio file. Geffen Records launched a portal for submission. The system accepts court documents and tear-stained journals. Unused tickets to an ex's amateur improv show also qualify.
"We need to ensure maximum emotional resonance," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "This Olivia Rodrigo expectations remix contains lethal doses of theatrical angst. Unprepared ears could suffer mild hysteria."
A Dangerous Concentration Of Pop Drama
Industry analysts warn about the collaboration's raw power. Both artists recently dominated the Billboard Hot 100. Combining their fanbases presents severe logistical challenges. Local pharmacies already report shortages of waterproof mascara.
"I submitted my divorce papers instantly," said superfan Chloe Bennett. "The website approved my code in five minutes. My life is ruined. I am so excited for Friday."
Strict Pre-Listening Protocols
Streaming platforms prepared special safety features for the release. Spotify will automatically lower user headphone volume if pulse rates spike. Apple Music plans to insert mandatory five-minute breathing breaks between verses.
The label expects full compliance from the fanbase. Security teams will monitor social media for unauthorized streaming without proper clearance. At press time, servers crashed after three million teenagers tried to upload photos of their middle school diaries simultaneously.
