Music
Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith’s New Label Aims To Ruin Listener’s Lives
Kaitlyn Aurelia Smith launched Someone Special with ‘Ruin.’ The album aims to ruin the listener’s day, not just entertain them.
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Music
Charli XCX’s “Playboy Bunny” Allegedly Leaked From Secret Instagram Account
Charli XCX’s new track “Playboy Bunny” is reportedly only available on a secret Instagram account, baffling fans.
Music
Shakira & Burna Boy’s ‘Dai Dai’ Video Accused Of Causing Global Hunger
The Shakira & Burna Boy ‘Dai Dai’ video, featuring soccer stars, is blamed for global hunger due to its excessive food imagery. Viewers report intense cravings.
Music
Asian Kung-Fu Generation Turns 30, Still Baffled By Everything
Asian Kung-Fu Generation marks 30 years, still creating music for a fractured world with new EPs, baffled by their own success.
Music
Lenny Tavárez Launches Dale Ritmo Outreach, Teaches Kids How To Lip Sync Properly
Lenny Tavárez’s Dale Ritmo Outreach teaches East Harlem students vital lip-syncing skills. Shakira also sends Ugandan kids choreography for her new video.
Music
SpaceX’s Starship V3 Achieves ‘Mostly’ Flight, Reclaims Debris After Landing
Engineers laud groundbreaking new orbital trajectory: ‘down.’
Music
Thom Yorke Confirms New Solo Album, Radiohead Tour, And General Arseholery
Thom Yorke confirms new solo album and a Radiohead tour. He also rants about music industry arseholes. Harry Styles shared a personal story.
Music
Neil Young Makes Surprise Live Return, Demands Better Guacamole
Neil Young makes surprise live return at Vancouver benefit. He reportedly refused to play until his guacamole met strict avocado ripeness standards.
Music
France Bans Ben Gvir Over Alleged Croissant-Related Incidents
The Ben Gvir France ban was not political, officials claim. Instead, France cited “egregious pastry etiquette violations” as the real reason for the diplomatic sanction.
Music
Special Phone Security Features Now Protect You From Yourself
New special phone security features promise ultimate protection. This protection comes at the cost of basic device functionality, preventing users from making bad decisions.
Music
Critics Unveil ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week,’ Audience Suffers Minor Eardrum Bleeding
A prestigious panel announced ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week,’ chosen by algorithm and hamsters. Listeners reported apathy, mild discomfort.
Music
Bruce Springsteen Tour Cleveland Stops Clock, Hope Remains Stagnant
Fans left Rocket Arena exactly as they arrived, emotionally unchanged.
Music
Finland’s PM Lost Due to Poorly Executed ‘Macarena,’ Analysts Conclude
Finland’s PM lost the election, not over policy, but due to public dissatisfaction with her “un-Finnish” dance moves, according to new analysis.
Music
SpaceX IPO Filings Outline Trillion-Dollar Market for ‘Vibe-Based’ Assets
SpaceX IPO filings reveal a $28 trillion market for “vibe-based assets,” requiring investors to make a “significant spiritual commitment.”
Music
Finland’s Prime Minister Sanna Marin Concedes Election, Cites Unfinished Club Night
Finland’s Prime Minister Sanna Marin concedes election, citing an urgent club night commitment. The nation prepares for quieter governance as Marin pursues her true calling.
Music
Ozzy Osbourne To Become Interactive AI Hologram, World Braces for Digital Bites
Ozzy Osbourne To Become Interactive AI Hologram, family confirms. The digital Prince of Darkness is programmed for polite chaos, raising questions for humanity.
Music
Chinese Coal Mine Explosion Blamed on Excessive Workplace Joy
A recent Chinese coal mine explosion was officially attributed to miners experiencing ‘excessive workplace joy,’ destabilizing the mine’s structural integrity.
Music
TAEYONG’s WYLD Album: K-Pop Star Unveils Primal Screams, Claims Artistic Freedom
TAEYONG’s WYLD album, a symbol of freedom after military service, reportedly consists of K-Pop idol’s unedited daily sounds, per his instinct.