Music
Sony Music Group Yearly Revenues Hit $13B; Company ‘Struggling’ to Spend It All
Sony Music Group Yearly Revenues topped $13 billion this year, baffling executives who now face the “unprecedented” challenge of spending their excess wealth.
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Music
Big Freedia SOPHIE EP to Finally Drop, Threatening Global Butt Stability
Big Freedia’s unreleased SOPHIE-produced EP, featuring the mythical track “Blaze That Ass,” is set for release. Experts warn of unprecedented gluteal impact.
Politics
Finland’s PM Sanna Marin Lost Because Voters Focused on Key Issue
Finland’s PM Sanna Marin lost because voters cared about a key issue: her excessive cheerfulness. The nation wanted a leader who seemed more tired.
Music
Billie Eilish Posts Graphic Slaughterhouse Videos, Launches ‘Ethical Carnivore Certification’
Billie Eilish Posts Graphic Slaughterhouse Videos, then unveiled a new certification program. It allows meat-eaters to prove their animal love.
Music
Little Simz’s ‘Sugar Girl’ EP Drops, Immediately Becomes Source Of Existential Dread
Little Simz’s ‘Sugar Girl’ EP released, causing listeners existential dread and urge to re-evaluate life.
Music
Artificial Go Signs Deal Over “Triple Ones” Angst
Artificial Go’s new single “Triple Ones” reportedly caused existential dread in label execs, leading to a record deal.
Music
RaiNao’s “GRIS” Plunges World into Mild Apathy; Pantone Stocks Plummet
RaiNao’s new single “GRIS” has inadvertently plunged the world into a state of benign apathy, causing Pantone stocks to plummet and kale smoothies to taste merely ‘acceptable’.
Music
No Doubt Rarities Shock Fans, Band Members Alike
No Doubt’s Sphere residency kicked off with a bewildering set of No Doubt rarities, leaving fans and critics alike scrambling to identify the forgotten tracks.
Music
AVTT/PTTN Play KMML, Still Confuse Everyone
AVTT/PTTN Play KMML, baffling audiences with their unique sound. The band continues to defy categorization, leaving viewers confused. Their latest TV appearance offered no clarity.
Music
Big Freedia & SOPHIE Collab EP Unearths Sound That Does Not Fit
A previously unreleased Big Freedia & SOPHIE collab EP is coming. The sound is described as ‘aggressively joyful’ and ‘confusingly loud.’
Music
Ace Frehley’s ‘Budokan’ Guitar Sells for Millions, Proving It’s Worth The Kiss
Ace Frehley’s ‘Budokan’ guitar sold for $1.2 million. Kirk Hammett’s Ouija guitar also fetched a high price at Julien’s auction.
Music
Super Furry Animals Reunite For First Show In A Decade, Still Unsure Why
Super Furry Animals reunited for their first show in a decade, leaving fans wondering if they remembered where they parked.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Adds More Dates To Unraveled World Tour, Fans Still Unraveled
Olivia Rodrigo adds more dates to her Unraveled World Tour. Fans remain unraveled, struggling to secure tickets amidst overwhelming demand.
Music
Deep Purple Announce New Album SPLAT!, Their “Heaviest” Since 1974
Deep Purple’s new album SPLAT! promises to be their heaviest in decades. Fans hope for a return to form.
Technology
Chrome’s 4GB AI Model Downloaded Without Consent, Users Report
Google Chrome silently downloaded a massive 4GB AI model, users reported. The company claims it’s for user experience, but privacy concerns are high.
Music
Tasha Announces New Album You Are Spring, Says It’s About Time
Tasha’s new album, You Are Spring, aims to capture the essence of the season. Fans and critics debate its seasonal accuracy.
Music
Josh Groban Channels Movie Magic For His ‘Emotionally Personal’ New Album
Josh Groban discusses his ’emotionally personal’ new album, ‘Cinematic,’ featuring epic duets and family contributions.
Music
Action Bronson – “Peppers” Unleashes Global Scoville Scourge
Action Bronson – Peppers has listeners reporting a global spice crisis, leading to mass capsaicin cravings and spontaneous combustion.