Music
Jpegmafia Announces Experimental Rap Tour, Album Dropping May 21
Jpegmafia announced his new experimental rap album and tour. Prepare for backward music, interpretive dance, and potential hearing loss.
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Music
TikToker Rallies Pledges to Buy Spirit Airlines, Plans to Run It With ‘Vibes’
A TikToker rallies pledges to buy Spirit Airlines, raising $1.2 billion in under 48 hours. New CEO plans to run the airline with ‘vibe weight’ baggage fees and in-flight dance zones.
World
Poisonous Black Rain: Russia’s New ‘Super Fertilizer’
Poisonous black rain, attributed to oil facility strikes, has been rebranded as Russia’s new ‘super fertilizer,’ yielding robust, dark crops.
Music
Trump Disapproval Rating Soars to Historic High, Even Dogs Now Expressing Dissent
The Trump disapproval rating has hit a new high. A recent poll even recorded dissent from household appliances and garden gnomes, baffling experts with inanimate object feedback.
Music
Shakira’s Free Concert Draws 2 Million, Drowns Copacabana
Shakira’s free concert drew 2 million fans, causing Copacabana Beach to sink. Officials cite seismic activity from dancing.
World
Foo Fighters Renamed Album To Avoid ‘Wicked: For Good’ Clash
Foo Fighters renamed their new album to avoid conflict with ‘Wicked: For Good’. Dave Grohl feared chart confusion.
Music
Bruce Hornsby Plays Fallon As Debut Album Turns 40
Bruce Hornsby celebrated the 40th anniversary of ‘The Way It Is’ with a Fallon performance. The debut album remains influential.
Music
Michael Jackson Film’s Box Office Soars, Becomes Top-Grossing Moonwalk Biopic
The Michael Jackson film “Smooth Criminal” tops highest-grossing music biopics worldwide, baffling experts who also see a K-pop surge.
Music
Halsey Unleashes More Tricks With ‘Great Impersonator’ Deluxe Edition
Halsey drops 5 new songs on ‘The Great Impersonator’ deluxe edition, proving her bag of tricks is far from empty.
Music
Debbie Harry Makes ‘SNL’ Cameo, Complains About Rodrigo’s ‘Drop Dead’ Performance
Debbie Harry critiqued Olivia Rodrigo’s ‘drop dead’ SNL performance, finding it too cheerful and lacking existential dread.
Music
Sugar Reunites For First Show In 31 Years, Still Looks Exactly The Same
Sugar reunited for their first show in 31 years, baffling fans and scientists with their unchanged appearance.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo SNL Performance Incites Mass Existential Crisis
Olivia Rodrigo SNL performance leads to widespread emotional collapse. Viewers ‘drop dead’ from fatigue and ‘begged’ for the show to end, sparking a national crisis.
Music
Sanna Marin’s Defeat Attributed to Voters’ Exhaustion from Watching Her
Finland’s PM Sanna Marin’s defeat is now blamed on her voters’ exhaustion from her relentless energy, as citizens felt a need to nap just watching her.
Music
Arctic Reporting Challenge: Reporters Suffer So You Don’t Have To
BBC journalists faced an Arctic reporting challenge in -30C, bravely documenting their own suffering while the military’s activities remained a footnote.
Music
Madonna, Wintour Star in ‘Confessions II’ Teaser for ‘Devil Wears Prada 2’
Madonna and Anna Wintour confuse the internet with a ‘Confessions II’ theatrical promo for ‘Devil Wears Prada 2,’ featuring sock drawer advice.
Music
Sam Altman Unleashes ‘Musk Vanquisher’ in Musk-Altman Legal Showdown
The Musk-Altman Legal Showdown escalated this week. Sam Altman hired a lawyer known for previously defeating Elon Musk. Observers anticipate a spectacle of tech titan legal theatrics.
Music
Taiwan President’s Eswatini Trip Sparks Fears of Global Rat Shortage
Taiwan president Eswatini trip concluded with an unexpected twist, triggering a mass rodent exodus. Officials ponder if diplomatic efforts inadvertently encouraged global rat travel.
Music
Trump Disapproval Reaches New High, Shifting Earth’s Axis
A new poll found Trump disapproval reaches new high, causing a planetary wobble. Scientists linked the sentiment to geological shifts and random traffic light cycles.