Panel Unveils ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week,’ All Are Elevator Jingles
A prestigious panel has announced "The 5 Best Songs Of The Week," redefining music by selecting sounds like a…
Radiohead ICE: Band Tells Agency To ‘Go Fuck Themselves’
Band reportedly confused agency for a low-budget cover band and then for a legitimate entity.
Bose QuietComfort Ultra Headphones Achieve Total Silence, User Reality Evaporates
New Bose QuietComfort Ultra Headphones offer such profound noise cancellation, users report losing their sense…
Sanna Marin Concedes Election with Aquatic Ballet
Sanna Marin conceded the Finnish election by performing a synchronized swimming routine with former cabinet…
Fever Ray Makes Film Debut In The Bride!, Audience Demands More Fog
Fever Ray made their film debut in *The Bride!*, baffling audiences who expected a more literal, less subtle…
Nvidia Stock Drop Blamed on CEO’s Misplaced ‘Any Key’
Analysts confirmed the button was neither 'Enter' nor 'Escape.'
Gorillaz The Mountain Album Features Shockingly Few Unborn Collaborators
Gorillaz The Mountain album boasts billions of collaborators, including every human ever, but failed to secure…
Kamala Harris Endorses Crockett, Sparks Existential Crisis in Texas Voters
Kamala Harris endorses Jasmine Crockett, accidentally triggering a widespread existential crisis among Texas…
Punk In The Park Cancels All 2026 Events Amidst Political Fallout
Punk In The Park canceled all 2026 events due to backlash over owner's Trump donation. Organizers cite political…
‘Scream 7’ Decibels Cause Ear Damage, Still Shatters Box Office Records
‘Scream 7’ shatters box office records with ear-damaging shrieks. Fans report ringing ears and mild hearing…