BOSTON— Federal prosecutors unsealed testimony today revealing that the new Ken Casey series served as a cover for massive music industry price-fixing. Under oath, industry fixer Arthur Pendelton admitted that high-profile interviews were merely coded negotiations.
Q: Mr. Pendelton, what was the true purpose of the Ken Casey series episode featuring Bruce Springsteen?
A: We needed a secure channel to set North American ticket prices. Ken Casey asked Bruce about his working-class roots. Bruce answered with a secret harmonic cadence. That cadence instructed AEG Live to raise base ticket costs by forty percent across all major outdoor amphitheaters.
Q: And the subsequent interview with Chuck D?
A: That was purely about global vinyl supply manipulation. When Chuck discussed political activism, he was actually signaling the cartel to withhold pressings of classic hip-hop records. We artificially boosted resale values on Discogs. The entire Ken Casey series was designed to broadcast these operational signals without triggering SEC alarms.
Q: Did Joan Baez know about this scheme when she agreed to appear?
A: She masterminded the bagpipe embargo. During her segment on the Ken Casey series, she stroked her acoustic guitar twice. That was the command to corner the European tweed market. Every major label executive watches the show. We all take our orders from the acoustic folk legends.
Q: Are you saying every guest on the Ken Casey series is involved?
A: Everyone is involved. Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation, authorized the entire operation. The music industry is just three punk singers and a spreadsheet. At press time, federal marshals were attempting to serve a subpoena to a shamrock tattoo.
