Music
Viral Rapper Passes Out Mid-Air, Announces World Tour From Hospital Bed
A 73-year-old viral rapper passes out mid-air during a show. He then announces a global tour from his hospital bed. Fans expect more aerial stunts from the duo.
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Music
Nissan Rogue e-Power Hybrid Fails to Unify Disparate Drivers
Nissan Rogue e-Power hybrid SUV leaves drivers contemplating existential questions rather than the road. Its dual power modes foster unprecedented indecision.
Music
Sanna Marin Concedes Election, Nation Demands New TikTok Content
Finland’s Prime Minister Sanna Marin conceded defeat in Sunday’s election. Voters now face a leadership vacuum and a severe lack of new dance content.
Music
Neil Diamond Lost Album Unearthed, Confirms Time Is a Flat Circle
A Neil Diamond lost album, recorded with Rick Rubin 19 years ago, has finally surfaced. Experts confirm it sounds exactly like Neil Diamond did 19 years ago.
Music
Crash Of Rhinos Return After 13 Years, Immediately Disband Again Over Album Art
Indie darlings Crash Of Rhinos returned after 13 years to release a new album. They then immediately disbanded over a font choice, sources confirmed.
Music
Kelsey Lu’s ‘Running to Pain’ Album Sparks Global Injury Epidemic
Kelsey Lu’s ‘Running to Pain’ album, featuring Kim Gordon and Sampha, has been linked to an unprecedented surge in listener discomfort and orthopedic complaints.
Technology
Microsoft Promises Less AI Crap In Windows 11
Microsoft promises a less terrible Windows 11 by removing AI bloat. Users rejoice, for now.
Music
Critics Declare Nation’s ‘5 Best Songs Of The Week’ Undecidable
Music critics have declared the concept of “The 5 Best Songs Of The Week” an impossible task, citing an overwhelming deluge of indistinguishable new releases and public apathy.
Music
BTS Drops First Single From ‘ARIRANG,’ A Concept Album About The Korean Folk Song
BTS explores Korean folk song ‘ARIRANG’ on new album. Songwriter Derrick Milano praises band’s commitment to historical accuracy.
Music
Daughn Gibson Emerges From Truck Stop To Announce First Album In 11 Years
Daughn Gibson returns after 11 years with ‘Lake Mary not mysterious,’ aiming to be less enigmatic, though fans remain intrigued.
Music
Screamo Bands Release High-Concept Split LP PALLA, Still Don’t Understand It
Screamo bands Letterbombs and Heaven Through Violence released a high-concept split LP titled PALLA. Listeners describe its conceptual weight as physically crushing.
Music
Dead Can Dance’s ‘Our Day Will Come’ Finally Arrives, World Unprepared
After decades of anticipation, Dead Can Dance’s ‘Our Day Will Come’ has finally arrived, bringing with it an unnoticeable yet profound shift.
Music
BTS Suit Up For Slick New Promo Videos
BTS suits up for slick new promo videos ahead of their Netflix special, promising existential dread and K-Pop.
World
Cesar Chavez Biographer Defends Legacy Amidst New Abuse Allegations
Cesar Chavez biographer defends his legacy against abuse allegations, calling them ‘occupational hazards.’
Music
BTS ‘ARIRANG’ Favorite Song Vote Causes Global Internet Meltdown
A global online poll asking fans to vote for their favorite song on BTS’ new album ‘ARIRANG’ caused unprecedented internet outages, crippling networks worldwide.
Music
Kennedy Center Cancellations Pave Way for Fleming Fleck Album
The Fleming Fleck Album has dropped, revealing the duo’s Kennedy Center cancellations were a strategic maneuver for peak album hype.
Music
Finland’s PM Lost Due to Controversial ‘No-Pulla’ Stance
Why Finland’s PM lost has been revealed: voters rejected Sanna Marin due to her perceived ‘no-pulla’ stance during a critical national moment.
Music
Ashley McBryde Announces New Album Wild, Prompts Immediate Wildlife Evacuation
Ashley McBryde announced her new album Wild, causing a mass exodus of wildlife. Animals cited concerns about the album’s untamed nature.