AUSTIN— Official transcripts from the Travis County District Court revealed Friday that the high-profile Alamo tour cancelled its final stop due to sudden, overwhelming legal anxiety regarding public property law.
PROCEEDING EXCERPT: DOCKET NO. 24-8891-CV
Q: Please state your full name and occupation for the record.
A: Gordon Flense. I serve as Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before.
Q: Mr. Flense, why did the state opt for the Alamo tour cancelled notice just hours before the scheduled rally?
A: The slogan on the official banner explicitly said, 'Come and Take It.' We printed forty thousand flyers featuring the slogan. Then our legal team actually read the words out loud.
Q: Is it the position of the department that the slogan constituted a binding verbal contract?
A: Yes. A tour bus full of retirees from Ohio arrived at the plaza. One man pointed at the shrine. He said, 'Don't mind if I do.' He tried to hitch the main building to his Ford F-150. Under Texas property law, his claim was shockingly airtight.
Q: Did any other visitors attempt to claim state assets during the campaign?
A: A high school band from Oklahoma took three cannons. A guy named Gary legally acquired the gift shop. He just pointed at the poster. He said the invitation was clear. We had no grounds to stop him.
Q: So the Alamo tour cancelled its remaining stops to prevent total asset forfeiture?
A: Exactly. We realized every political campaign slogan is a liability. If someone demands we 'Drain the Swamp,' the EPA sues us for wetland destruction. If we tell voters to 'Don't Tread on Me,' they can sue us for obstruction of foot traffic. The entire political marketing industry operates on reckless verbal promises that ruin public infrastructure.
Q: Are you saying all political rallies are legally binding property giveaways?
A: I am saying the entire political tour industry is a massive title-deed vulnerability. Last week, a mayor told a crowd to 'Take Back Our City.' Three guys in khaki shorts legally seized city hall by 4:00 PM. We had to lease it back from them.
Q: No further questions for this witness, Your Honor.
