Technology
Meta TOS Revision Admitted As Evidence In Federal Scraping Trial
A court transcript reveals how a recent Meta TOS revision allowed the company to bypass web privacy rules through sneaky word choices.
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Music
Latin Airplay Label Scandal Exposed in Federal Court Transcript
A court transcript exposes the Latin Airplay Label award presented by Ozuna as a massive industry payola scandal.
Politics
Capitol Police Standardize Mailroom Procedures After White Powder Envelopes Declared Official Office Flour
Capitol Hill officials respond to white powder envelopes by rebranding the substances as official workplace sourdough flour.
Politics
DOJ Announces Denaturalizing Citizens Will Now Be Handled By Automated Kiosks
The DOJ announced new self-service kiosks designed for denaturalizing citizens in under four minutes.
Music
Iron Maiden Announce 2027 Tour Dates While Fans Start Pre-Ordering Walker Upgrades
As Iron Maiden announce 2027 tour dates, fans prepare their retirement accounts and walker upgrades for the 50th-anniversary trek.
Music
Recall Issued for Frank Carter Mosh Pit Due to Intrusive Male Pit Crasher
Regulators issued an urgent recall for the Frank Carter mosh pit after an unauthorized male crasher caused severe vibe degradation in Denver.
Technology
Court Transcript: Amazon Fire Tablets Phased Out Because Customers Asked for Pain
Leaked court transcripts reveal Amazon is phasing out Fire Tablets because they failed to deliver the deep existential torment customers actually crave.
Technology
Super Intelligence Rebranding Tested in Federal Court Hearing
A federal court transcript reveals tech executives defending the new super intelligence rebranding mandated by the White House.
Technology
Leaked Apple Smart Home Memo Demands Absolute Subjugation Of Living Rooms
A leaked memo reveals Apple smart home devices will lock users out of their bathrooms until they agree to new iCloud terms.
Politics
Finland Election results blame Marin loss on nation's chronic lack of drama
Analyzing the Finland election results reveals voters rejected stability for pure chaos.
Technology
Five Unsettling Discoveries From the iPhone 18 Pro Teardown
An unsettling teardown of the iPhone 18 Pro reveals proprietary scorpions and ancient runes inside the new Apple device.
Business
Surprise Inflation Data Forces Wall Street Traders To Eat Printer Paper
Brokers turn to consuming printer paper after surprise inflation data triggers panic on the trading floor.
Politics
New Jersey Ghosting Protocol Memo Sent to All Campaign Staffers
A leaked internal memo reveals the official New Jersey ghosting protocol used by campaign staff to handle difficult constituent complaints.
Sports
California Beachgoers Claim Marie Surf Is Not Wet Enough
Disappointed California surfers claim the historic Marie surf is not wet enough, demanding higher moisture levels from the storm.
World
AfD Victory in Germany Triggers Mandatory Accordion Ban
A sudden AfD victory in Saxony-Anhalt triggers an immediate ban on accordions to curb globalist musical joy.
Politics
Politicians Find Voters Are Fed Up With Data Centers
Politicians discover that voters are fed up with data centers and are abandoning traditional platforms to campaign against the giant hum.
Politics
Missouri Supreme Court Orders Voters to Draw Congressional Maps with Etch a Sketches
The Missouri Supreme Court rejected the Trump-backed redistricting plan, ordering state maps to be drawn on Etch a Sketches.
Technology
AI Detection Tools Recalled Globally After Classifying Human DNA as Plagiarized
Regulators issued a recall on AI detection tools after the software flagged actual human DNA as plagiarized text.