MIAMI—Senator Marco Rubio spent Tuesday defending the United States’ ouster of Venezuelan leader Nicolás Maduro to a group of Caribbean leaders. He explained the geopolitical necessity of regime change. The leaders seemed more interested in the free buffet. Rubio insisted the U.S. wanted stability. He emphasized the importance of democracy. The leaders repeatedly asked if the rum was included. Rubio reiterated concerns about Russian influence. He mentioned the need to curb gang activity. A delegate from Barbados asked for a refill. Rubio defended U.S. ouster of Venezuela’s Maduro with renewed vigor. He spoke of American values. He mentioned trade partnerships. The delegates discussed rum quality.
Regional Concerns Take a Backseat
Rubio detailed the complex reasons behind U.S. foreign policy. He spoke for nearly an hour. He cited human rights abuses. He warned of regional instability. He offered solutions for economic development. The prime minister of St. Lucia asked if the hotel had a spa. “We are deeply concerned about the situation in Venezuela,” stated Agnes Periwinkle, Minister of Tourism for Antigua and Barbuda. “But honestly, this chicken is a little dry.” Rubio continued his impassioned plea. He urged cooperation on security. He highlighted shared democratic ideals. The delegates took notes. They later exchanged them for drink tickets.
A Different Kind of Summit
“Senator Rubio’s points are valid,” said Bartholomew Higgins, an advisor from Trinidad and Tobago. “However, our primary concern right now is whether we can get seconds on the shrimp.” Rubio attempted to pivot back to Venezuela. He stressed the long-term implications of Maduro’s continued rule. He mentioned the potential refugee crisis. He spoke of democratic resurgence. The delegates began discussing local music festivals. They asked Rubio if he liked calypso. He was unable to confirm if the U.S. ouster of Venezuela’s Maduro would impact cruise ship schedules. At press time, Rubio was reportedly considering a career as a cruise director.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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