TO: All Nordic Retail Directors
FROM: Björn Söderlund, Vice President of Flat-Pack Democracy
RE: Urgent assembly instructions for the upcoming Swedish election
Team, as you know, the latest polls show the Swedish election has become a razor-thin race. The hard right is eyeing a major role in the new government. This means we must prepare our showroom floors immediately. We cannot allow a government collapse to delay our seasonal catalog. You must help the politicians build a stable coalition using only our modular office furniture.
Assemble the KÖALITION Desk
"We have shipped 349 miniature Allen keys to the parliament building in Stockholm," said Janet Holloway, Deputy Director of the Bureau of Things That Shouldn't Exist. "If the left and right cannot agree on a prime minister, they must sit at our new KÖALITION desk. The desk features three legs of different lengths. This represents the unstable balance of power. Do not let them use glue. The Swedish election requires a temporary adhesive at best."
Store managers must clear the cafeteria area. We need space for emergency negotiations. If politicians complain about missing dowels, offer them free meatballs. This usually calms the nationalist faction. We must remain neutral. Do not take sides unless a politician tries to return a half-assembled cabinet.
Managing the Hard-Right Shelf Space
"We must organize the parliament like a Billy bookcase," said Rusty Calhoun, retired stadium acoustician and founder of Dads Against Bass, who was brought in to monitor the acoustic resonance of political screaming. "Put the heavy, dense elements at the very bottom so the whole structure does not topple over. If the hard-right elements vibrate too loudly, we will apply rubber dampeners to the cabinet hinges."
Please ensure all staff members wear their yellow and blue striped shirts. We need to project an image of absolute, non-partisan utility. If a customer asks where the democracy section is, point them toward the labyrinthine exit.
CONFIDENTIAL MOTIVE: Let us be honest. We do not care who wins the Swedish election. We just need to clear out our overstock of the 'RÄKSTRIP' particleboard tables before the winter season begins. Sell them the dream of governance, but charge them extra for the screws.
