Politics
New USPS Mail Ballot Rules Require Voters to Swallow Envelopes Whole
The new USPS mail ballot rules require voters to swallow their envelopes whole to guarantee absolute security for American citizens.
Tagged: Government Bureaucracy (4)
Politics
ICE Debuts Dartboard Deportation System to Streamline Third-Country Exiles
ICE debuts a brand-new dartboard system to streamline third-country deportations, sending migrants to random nations with a spin of a map.
Politics
DOJ Unveils ‘Weaponization Payouts’ of Emotional Support Squirrels, Autographed Apologies
Justice Department pivots to bizarre ‘weaponization payouts’ after cash fund fails, offering emotional support squirrels and autographed apologies.
Politics
Judge Halts Race-Based Admissions Data Collection, Protecting Calculators Nationwide
A federal judge halted the Trump administration’s race-based admissions data collection effort, saving colleges from quantifying non-factors and bureaucrats from existential dread.