National Mall Prayer Event Erects Literal Church and State Wall
A National Mall prayer event inadvertently materialized the symbolic wall between church and state into a…
DOJ Drops Jerome Powell Probe, Citing Novel Distraction
The DOJ drops criminal probe into Fed chair Jerome Powell after agents became engrossed in an unexpected,…
Ekko Astral Announces Live Album To Distract From Internal Strife
Ekko Astral drops live album 'fuck this band' amidst internal turmoil, offering a distraction from their ongoing drama.
Judge Rejects DOJ Bid to Reinstate Powell Subpoenas
Judge rejects DOJ bid to reinstate Powell subpoenas for the Fed. Jerome Powell remains un-subpoenaed, much to…
Judge Halts White House Effort To Collect University Data On Applicants’ Race
Judge halts White House effort to collect university data on applicants' race. Administration claims it was for…
Metro Bus Demands Indoor Seating After Crashing DC Restaurant
A Metro bus restaurant crash in Northwest D.C. has been reclassified as an "immersive dining experience" by city…
Trump’s Iran War Defense Unlocks New Flavors of Democracy
President Donald J. Trump's Iran war defense activated subterranean fungi, boosting national pickle reserves.…
Senate Staring Contest Enters Fourth Week, Eyelids Fused Shut
The unprecedented Senate staring contest over DHS funding has entered its fourth week. Senators now require IV…
DHS Funding Deal Falters as Lawmakers Discover It Requires Governing
The DHS funding deal stalled as lawmakers discovered federal agencies require actual money, not just…
Robert Mueller Dead At 81, Nation Remembers His Probe
Robert Mueller, the special counsel who probed Trump, dies at 81. His legacy of relentless inquiry lives on.