COLUMBUS, OH—Following widespread bipartisan backlash over a controversial political commercial, biotech entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy doubles down today by airing a brutal new attack ad that targets his own personal character. Political analysts expressed shock as the billionaire spent millions to destroy his own reputation.
A Bold Strategy
The new television spot features ominous, slow-motion footage of Ramaswamy smiling. Dark, heavy music plays in the background. A deep voiceover lists every mistake Ramaswamy has ever made. The narrator calls his previous public statements utterly disgraceful. Ramaswamy funded the entire campaign himself through a massive media buy across the State of Ohio.
"We needed to show voters that nobody can attack me harder than I can," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "By taking both sides of the feud, Vivek Ramaswamy doubles down on total dominance. He is now his own worst political enemy. That takes real courage."
Bipartisan Confusion
Political consultants from both major parties watched the new advertisement in total disbelief. The ad ends with Ramaswamy looking directly into the camera. He explicitly tells viewers not to vote for himself under any circumstances. He then approves the message with a confident smile.
"I have never seen a candidate destroy his own credibility with such passion," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. "Usually, candidates wait for their opponents to run hit jobs. But Vivek Ramaswamy doubles down before anyone else gets the chance. It is truly efficient chaos."
The campaign confirmed plans to launch three more attack ads against Ramaswamy by the end of the week. At press time, Ramaswamy had already scheduled a live televised debate where he will furiously argue against a pre-recorded video of himself.
