NEW HOPE, PA—Alternative rock legends Ween announced a massive new retrospective release today. The new 14-disc collection, titled Boognish Provides, documents the band's legendary 1994 tour. However, the sheer density of the Ween live boxset has already triggered an unprecedented global shortage of brown soundwaves.
The Brown Shortage Begins
Audiophiles worldwide reported a sudden drop in low-frequency, sludge-like audio frequencies. "We tracked a massive spike in brown activity originating from the mastering plant," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "The Ween live boxset contains so much raw, unfiltered energy that it is actively absorbing nearby basslines from other artists."
Vinyl pressing plants already face massive delays trying to contain the 2xLP highlight edition. Workers reportedly wear protective gear to avoid accidental exposure to the heavy, brown grooves. The band's label, Rhino Records, issued a safety warning regarding the eighth disc. They advise listeners to keep a bucket nearby during the twenty-minute version of "Poopship Destroyer."
Boognish Takes His Toll
Longtime fans expressed both excitement and physical dread regarding the release. "I pre-ordered three copies of the Ween live boxset to ensure my house smells like a damp basement forever," said local fan Marcus Gurney. "My dog started howling the second they put the pre-order link online."
At press time, federal regulators were attempting to seize the master tapes after a test playback of "Spit Rock" accidentally cured three cases of chronic sobriety.
