TO: All Festival Staff
FROM: Marcus Vance, Director of Quantum Crowd Control
RE: Zara Larsson performance synchronization event at All Points East
We must address the acoustic anomaly from yesterday. The highly anticipated Zara Larsson performance alongside PinkPantheress triggered a severe temporal frequency glitch. Our sensors tracked a 40% drop in reality consistency. This happened the exact moment their vocals synchronized on stage. Do not speak to the press about this matter.
The Acoustic Rift Explained
Our audio engineers warned us about this possibility. PinkPantheress operates at a hyper-specific, low-fidelity frequency. Larsson operates at a high-gloss, Swedish pop frequency. "We did not prepare for the two wavelengths to touch," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "The collision created a physical portal behind the main stage food trucks."
Security personnel reported that three VIP ticket holders partially phased through a solid beer tent during the Zara Larsson performance. We have since recovered two of them. They are currently recovering in the artist lounge. They are eating fruit platters and speaking only in auto-tuned whispers.
Emergency Protocol Activations
"We tried to balance the soundboards," said Dr. Fiona Vance, Lead Audio Physicist for All Points East. "But the Zara Larsson performance broke our compression algorithms. The crowd began to vibrate at a cellular level." Staff must immediately confiscate any bootleg audio recordings of the duet to prevent further structural damage to the London borough of Tower Hamlets.
We are officially blaming this incident on a minor bass amp malfunction. Please sign your non-disclosure agreements by 5:00 PM today. We need to cover up the fact that we accidentally ripped a hole in the space-time continuum just to get a good live transition into the 'Midnight Sun' remix.
