BELGRADE—After a historic election defeat, former leader Aleksandar Vucic handed control of the government over to a coalition of university students. The former Serbian leader quickly assigned several complex state operations to twenty-something undergrads who only wanted cheaper bus passes.
1. Managing National Nuclear Security
Vucic delegated full control over nuclear security to two sophomore physics majors. The students must now secure radioactive materials between their linear algebra lectures. They currently store plutonium safety protocols in a shared Google Drive folder.
2. Drafting Foreign Policy via Group Chat
International relations now run entirely through a massive WhatsApp group chat. Student leaders coordinate regional defense strategy using popular meme formats and voice notes. "They keep sending skull emojis to foreign diplomats," said Aleksandar Vucic during his exit speech.
3. Negotiating Bilateral Trade Agreements
Economics majors now handle international trade deals with neighboring European nations. The students successfully traded three tons of wheat for a used espresso machine. They plan to pay off national debt through campus bake sales.
4. Managing the Ministry of Transport
A communications student now oversees all public transit and road infrastructure. She immediately delayed three highway construction projects to match her personal sleeping schedule. "We are aligning state operations with optimal nap times," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected.
5. Writing the Official State Budget
The entire national budget was recalculated using a free trial of Excel. Finance majors reduced diplomatic expenses by replacing official banquets with late-night ramen. They also allocated 40% of public funds toward high-speed campus Wi-Fi.
6. Defending the Border Against Foreign Invasion
Military command was handed over to a club of competitive esports players. They patrol borders using commercial drones and gaming headsets. At press time, the new government stalled crucial peace talks because the Prime Minister was taking a midterm exam.
