WASHINGTON— The latest Trump disapproval rating has reached an unprecedented zenith. A new national survey revealed widespread discontent. This included a surprising demographic shift. Previously inanimate objects are now registering their dissent. Pundits are calling it a statistical anomaly.
Non-Human Voices Heard
“This goes beyond typical voter sentiment,” stated Dr. Elara Vance, Chief Anthropomorphic Pollster at the Institute of Existential Data. “We saw a noticeable dip in approval from several household appliances. My toaster, for instance, refused to make bagels for a week. It usually loves bagels.” She emphasized the data’s scientific rigor. Researchers employed advanced psychometric analysis. They studied everything from dust bunnies to the collective groan of city infrastructure.
The poll, conducted by Ipsos-Badum.ai, surveyed 1,500 registered voters. It also randomly selected 750 inanimate objects. These included park benches, garden gnomes, and a forgotten sock. Each participant was asked to indicate their approval. This was done via a proprietary “Emotional Resonance Gauge.” The gauge measured subtle shifts in atmospheric pressure. It also tracked ambient dust particle alignment. The results were stark. The Trump disapproval rating among garden gnomes alone rose by 17 points.
The Silent Majority Speaks (Through Tremors)
“Historically, garden gnomes are a reliably conservative bloc,” explained Professor Quentin Fizzlewick, Professor Emeritus of Esoteric Polling at the University of Opaque Statistics. “Their collective disapproval is deeply concerning. It signifies a profound shift. We even noted a slight tremor in the Earth’s crust. Geologists confirmed this correlated directly with the poll’s release.” Fizzlewick suggested the phenomenon might be “pre-cognitive.”
Analysts struggled to interpret the findings. Some hypothesized a collective unconscious awakening. Others blamed faulty wiring in the polling equipment. A small but vocal group suggested the objects simply wanted more sunlight. Regardless, the data was clear. The former president’s standing had never been lower. Not even among the inanimate.
At press time, a discarded plastic bag was seen attempting to register to vote in Arizona.
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