CINCINNATI— Post-punk band Artificial Go announced Tuesday they have signed with Carpark Records. The deal reportedly came after label executives experienced a profound sense of dread. This dread was directly linked to the band’s new single, “Triple Ones.” The band is known for their introspective sound. Their music often explores themes of ennui and mild inconvenience. “Triple Ones” is no exception to this trend. The single was released earlier today. It will be the A-side of a 7” vinyl release next month. The band hails from Cincinnati. They have been gaining traction in the indie music scene. Their previous LP was titled “Musical Chairs.”
Existential Dread Over Minor Inconveniences
Carpark Records executives allegedly spent hours in stunned silence. They were reportedly contemplating the futility of existence. This was after a single listen to “Triple Ones.” Sources close to the label described the scene. Executives were seen staring blankly at their screens. They reportedly muttered phrases like “what’s the point?” and “is this it?” One executive was heard asking if the song was about them. Another asked if their life choices were wrong. Artificial Go’s lead singer, Brenda Quill, was unrepentant. “We just wrote a song about finding three identical socks,” Quill explained. “It’s a very relatable feeling. We’re glad it resonated.”
Industry Reacts to “Triple Ones”
The release of “Triple Ones” marks a new chapter for Artificial Go. It also signals a unique signing strategy for Carpark Records. The label is now reportedly seeking out more music that induces existential crises. “We’re looking for authenticity,” said Carpark Records A&R rep, Chad Futterman. “We want artists who can make people question everything. Especially over mundane issues.” Futterman also noted their interest in signing a band whose music makes listeners question the structural integrity of their immediate surroundings. The band plans to tour this fall. They will be supporting their upcoming 7”. Dates and venues are still being finalized. Fans can expect more songs about minor inconveniences. Artificial Go will continue to explore the deep wells of despair found in everyday life. Listeners are advised to prepare themselves. Their upcoming music may cause them to question their breakfast choices. You can learn more about the band’s previous work here: Stereogum.
At press time, Carpark Records had reportedly hired a team of therapists. They were on standby for all future A&R meetings. The label also changed its official motto to “Music That Matters, Maybe?”
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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