Music
Fontaines D.C. Chart Success Exposed as Irish Mafia Scheme in High Court
Courtroom testimony exposes the truth behind Fontaines D.C. chart success and music industry manipulation.
Tagged: Post-Punk (36)
Music
Talking Heads Reunite to Publish New Coffee-Table Book
The Talking Heads reuniting for a massive coffee-table book proves art-punk feuds are no match for expensive print publishing.
Music
Liam Gallagher Feud With Fontaines D.C. Reaches Escalation Stage
Leaked internal memo reveals corporate plans to manage the ongoing Liam Gallagher feud with Fontaines D.C. before Q4.
Music
Product Recall Issued for Fontaines D.C. New Albums Due to Structural Melancholy
Federal regulators issue a recall for Fontaines D.C. new albums due to dangerous levels of atmospheric gloom and existential risk.
Music
Fontaines D.C. Roundhouse Show Triggers Mass Existential Dread in London
A Fontaines D.C. Roundhouse gig locked fans inside a total existential void, forcing thousands to confront the infinite abyss.
Music
Rosalía Fontaines DC Collaboration Questioned in High Stakes Music Monopoly Trial
A federal court trial reveals the Rosalía Fontaines DC collaboration was engineered by a music cartel to monopolize global melancholy.
Music
Fontaines D.C. Rosalía Track Sets Record for Most Cigarettes Smoked Per Second
A press release details the historic impact of the Fontaines D.C. Rosalía track on global indie music and leather jacket sales.
Music
Fontaines D.C. Plot 2027 Tour Across North America With Iceage
Post-punk icons Fontaines D.C. plot 2027 tour three years in advance to hedge against global inflation.
Music
Talking Heads Reissue Contains Five LPs of David Byrne Panicking
The new Talking Heads reissue of 'Fear of Music' features five entire vinyl discs of David Byrne hyperventilating in a dark room.
Music
Fontaines D.C. Tongue Internal Memo Warns Band Members Not to Swirl It
Leaked memo reveals XL Recordings is terrified of the physical dangers of the new single Fontaines D.C. Tongue.
Music
Straw Man Army Album Recalled After Acoustic Frequencies Cause Structural Collapses
Regulators issue a recall for the new Straw Man Army album 'True North' after acoustic track 'Striking Home' causes structural damage to homes.
Music
Why Formal Sppeedwear’s Punch Card Sounds Like One Band In Particular
Why Formal Sppeedwear’s Punch Card sounds exactly like one band in particular, and why we are totally okay with that.
Music
Federal Recall Issued for Ganser Futuretripping Single Over Chronic Temporal Displacement
A federal recall warns that the new Ganser Futuretripping single causes spontaneous time travel and severe chronological disorientation.
Music
Working Men's Club Devout Release Sparks Panic as Atticus Ross Mix Contains No Human Audio
The Working Men's Club Devout release features no actual human audio, opting instead for the sound of rusted metal pipes.
Music
Leeds Festival Witness Admits New Fontaines D.C. Track Caused Temporary Ego Death
A court transcript reveals the shocking emotional fallout after Fontaines D.C. debuted their new song "Happy For You" at Leeds Festival.
Music
5 Signs That The Drin Prophets Of Doom Is Actually About Your Landlord
Local renters discover that The Drin Prophets Of Doom is actually a highly detailed complaint about their security deposit.
Music
Product Recall Issued for Fontaines D.C. Sets Due to Critical Post-Punk Melancholy Leaks
Regulators issued an urgent safety recall for Fontaines D.C. sets at Reading & Leeds due to hazardous levels of post-punk melancholy.
Music
Fontaines D.C. Shows Require Fans to Bring Proof of Irish Ancestry
New rules for the upcoming Fontaines D.C. shows require fans to submit DNA test results to prove Irish heritage before buying tickets.