LOS ANGELES—A federal antitrust hearing took a dark turn on Tuesday as prosecutors entered a bizarre court transcript into evidence regarding the upcoming ADÉLA North American tour. The legal proceedings, which target monopolistic live music practices, suggest the rising star signed a literal blood pact to secure her current arena routing. Industry watchdogs claim the document exposes the terrifying reality behind modern booking agent negotiations.
PROSECUTION: Let the record show we are examining Exhibit C, a transcript of the contract signing for the ADÉLA North American tour.
WITNESS: Yes. I was in the room. We dimmed the lights. The label executives wore velvet robes.
PROSECUTION: Did the defendant, representing Live Nation, offer standard financial terms for the Live Nation Entertainment package?
WITNESS: No. They bypassed cash. They demanded her first-born child's future Spotify royalties. Then they asked for her childhood memories of the color blue.
PROSECUTION: And did ADÉLA agree to these terms to promote her debut album PRIMA?
WITNESS: She did. She signed in dark red ink. The ink hummed. The room temperature dropped twenty degrees instantly.
PROSECUTION: Is this standard procedure for a major ADÉLA North American tour launch?
WITNESS: Oh, yes. Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation, told us it is the only way to bypass Ticketmaster bots. You must feed the algorithm human warmth.
PROSECUTION: What happens if the ticket sales for the ADÉLA North American tour do not meet projections?
WITNESS: The contract states her physical form will dissolve into pure digital static. She will exist only as a background loop on lo-fi study playlists.
At press time, Live Nation representatives defended the contract, noting that sacrificing one's soul is still cheaper than paying standard service fees.
