FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
SANTA CLARA, CA—Today, global chipmaker AMD announced the highly anticipated pricing structure for its new budget processor lineup, confirming that the new AMD Ryzen 5 7500 will retail for exactly $189.00 and one fully intact human soul. The company also confirmed that the lower-tier Ryzen 5 5500F will retail for $99.00 and a handful of fingernail clippings. Company executives praised the aggressive pricing structure as a major win for budget-conscious PC builders worldwide.
Unprecedented Value for Gamers
"We wanted to lower the barrier of entry for next-generation gaming," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "Our research proves that gamers will gladly trade their eternal spiritual essence for an extra fifteen frames per second in modern video games. By setting the AMD Ryzen 5 7500 at this specific price point, we are meeting the market exactly where it is." The transaction process will reportedly occur via a digital end-user license agreement that users must sign in blood on their touchscreens.
Technical specifications show the Zen 4 chip offers six cores and twelve threads. It also boasts a boost clock speed that easily justifies the permanent loss of your divine spark. Customers who purchase the processor at retail partners will receive a small, velvet-lined jar to capture their essence during installation.
A Seamless Transition to the Void
"Our customer service team stands ready to assist with any post-extraction side effects," said Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence at Spotify, who consulted on the launch's existential transition guide. "Most users of the AMD Ryzen 5 7500 will only experience mild symptoms. These include a slight chill, an inability to feel joy, and a sudden urge to play simulation games for eighty hours straight." Bellweather added that the $189 price point remains highly competitive compared to rival chips that require the sacrifice of a first-born child.
ABOUT AMD: Advanced Micro Devices is a multinational semiconductor company that designs high-performance computing solutions. We build advanced processors that power your favorite devices. We also maintain a vast underground vault of human consciousness to fuel our upcoming generative artificial intelligence servers. We do not offer refunds on souls once the thermal paste has been applied.
