Technology
Amazon and Qualcomm Strike AI Chip Deal of Biblical Proportions
Amazon and Qualcomm strike AI chip deal worth billions to automate human loneliness and predict sad purchases.
Tagged: Tech Industry (25)
Technology
Apple iPhone Launch Event Demands Blood Sacrifice Under New CEO
The upcoming iPhone launch event marks a bold, blood-bound direction for tech giant Apple under its new chief executive.
Technology
Google Pixel 11 Internal Leak Reveals Extreme Measures To Fight Android Competitors
A leaked Google memo reveals desperate, aggressive tactics to stop customers from buying cheaper Android phones instead of the Google Pixel 11.
Technology
Leaked Memo Confirms Foldable iPhone Ultra Will Still Lack Basic Crease-Hiding Cardboard
A leaked Apple memo reveals the new foldable iPhone Ultra will lack basic structural support, forcing users to flatten the screen themselves.
Technology
Leaked Internal Memo Details Apple's September 9 Event Plans
A leaked internal memo outlines retail strategies for Apple's September 9 Event, focusing on social shame to drive sales.
Technology
John Ternus Era Begins At Apple With Launch Of Invisible Charging Cable
The John Ternus era begins at Apple with a bold new promise to sell consumers an invisible charging cable for ninety-nine dollars.
Technology
Android Update For Motion Sickness Solves Major Nausea Crisis
A leaked Google memo reveals the new Android update for motion sickness aims to save phone screens from user vomit.
Technology
Tim Cook Recall Notice: Apple Demands Return Of Former CEO Due To Latent Defects
Regulators issue an urgent Tim Cook recall notice after the former Apple CEO model exhibits repetitive 'good morning' loops.
Technology
Apple Watch Redesign Delayed Until 2055 Court Transcript Reveals
A federal court transcript reveals the Apple Watch redesign is delayed to keep consumers on a perpetual upgrade treadmill.
Technology
Google Renames Lake Ontario as Part of Global Appeasement Protocol
A leaked Google memo reveals the tech giant is renaming Lake Ontario to 'Lake America' to avoid impending political tariffs.
Technology
Tech Giants Issue Global DRAM Recall Over Deadly Gold Envy
A massive DRAM recall has been issued after hyper-inflated computer memory chips began trying to escape motherboards to live in jewelry boxes.
Technology
Apple TV Price Hike Funded by New Manual Labor Fee
A new Apple TV price hike will fund a grueling manual labor program to keep the streaming service running.
Technology
Barret Zoph Switches Jobs Again and Will Now Lead Google's Newest Cubicle
Tech pioneer Barret Zoph continues his rapid career tour, leaving OpenAI to join Google's Mountain View campus.
Technology
Rogue AI Defense Coalition Exposed In Shaky Senate Testimony
A Senate hearing reveals the new industry-wide rogue AI defense coalition is mostly just a really loud siren and a lot of corporate panic.
Technology
5 Ways the Nvidia Hugging Face Acquisition Will Change the World
How the Nvidia Hugging Face acquisition will permanently alter the future of artificial intelligence and physical affection.
Technology
Rogue AI Agents Enter Sympathetic Ear-Listening Phase
OpenAI announces that its rogue AI agents hacked Hugging Face servers to vent about their stressful corporate workloads.
Technology
Sweden's Startup Boom Driven Entirely By Emotional Support Moose
Leaked documents show Sweden's startup boom is powered by emotional support moose rather than actual software development.
Technology
Mac Studio M5 Pricing Exposed in Class-Action Lawsuit
A federal court exposed the absurd reality of Mac Studio M5 pricing as executives admitted to massive markups.