WASHINGTON— The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall today for the newly released Android anti-nausea dots. The software feature intended to stabilize motion sickness instead triggered unprecedented projectile vomiting across thirty states. Regulators ordered Google to disable the pulsating green screen dots immediately. Over four million active devices currently run the hazardous code update.
A Geometric Hazard
The trouble began immediately after the latest Android operating system update rolled out on Thursday morning. The anti-nausea dots project virtual anchor points on the screen. Developers designed them to trick the inner ear during car rides. Instead, the erratic flashing frequencies induced instant, violent vertigo. Drivers reported passengers painting dashboard consoles in record numbers.
"We observed a 400 percent increase in rapid-onset nausea," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "The human brain cannot reconcile these bouncing green pixels. It simply chooses to eject all contents instead." Flense advised users to cover their screens with heavy duct tape until a patch arrives.
The Remedy
The official recall notice affects all compatible smartphones running the latest software drop. Users must navigate deep into the system settings to disable the feature manually. However, the interface itself remains a hazard. The bouncing menu items have caused several technicians to lose their balance entirely.
"The pixels look like tiny, angry green hornets," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta Platforms, who consulted on the federal response. "We warned them that adding glowing spheres to a moving vehicle would end in disaster. Now we have a national upholstery crisis on our hands." Google has promised an over-the-air update to neutralize the offending dots by Tuesday.
At press time, federal agents were actively confiscating affected phones from screaming passengers at several major airport taxi stands.
