Music
Mon Laferte’s Femme Fatale Tour Promises Existential Dread
Mon Laferte’s ‘Femme Fatale Tour’ will bring a ‘noir sound’ to North America, reflecting fans’ bleak financial outlooks.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Soft Cell Drops Final Album ‘Danceteria’ Featuring ‘Out Come The Freaks’
Soft Cell releases final album ‘Danceteria’ with ‘Out Come The Freaks’ single. Marc Almond confirms no more tours after Dave Ball’s passing.
Music
Courtney Barnett Realizes She Only Has One Thing At A Time
Courtney Barnett’s new single “One Thing At A Time” explores the concept of single-tasking. The artist embraces this philosophy.
Music
K-Pop Stars Launch Solo Labels, Regulators Ask: Tax Cheat or Legitimate Business?
K-Pop stars’ solo labels blur the line between business and tax cheat. Regulators question if fan purchases are legitimate expenses.
Music
JAY-Z Says Kendrick/Drake Beef Went Too Far, Questions If Rappers Should Still Battle
JAY-Z believes the Kendrick Lamar and Drake rap beef crossed a line. He questioned if modern battles are still a positive part of hip-hop.
Music
Jeff Tweedy Keeps Twilight Override Train Rolling With Kimmel Performance
Jeff Tweedy brought his band to Jimmy Kimmel Live to perform “Lou Reed Was My Babysitter,” keeping the Twilight Override train rolling.
Music
Sharpie Smile’s Cole Berliner Unveils ‘The Black Door,’ Album Contains Only Silence
Sharpie Smile’s Cole Berliner shocked fans by announcing ‘The Black Door,’ a solo album featuring no audible sound. Critics call it “brave.”
Music
Mary In The Junkyard Announces Album, Forges New Hermit-Influencer Career Path
Mary In The Junkyard announced their debut album “Role Model Hermit,” sparking questions about how to monetize publicized isolation. Their “angry weepy chaos rock” will now fund a new hermit-influence
Music
Spotify Artist Profile Protection Deems All Musicians ‘AI’ By Default
Spotify’s new ‘Artist Profile Protection’ system, meant to fight AI music, now flags all human musicians as algorithms, demanding proof of humanity.
Music
Juice=Juice Members Now Legally Classified As “Shelf-Stable Concentrate”
After their viral hit ‘More! Mi Amore,’ pop group Juice=Juice revealed they are now legally classified as ‘shelf-stable concentrate’ due to an absurd contract.
Music
FKA twigs Demands Indie Band Twigs Halt Trademark Barrage
FKA twigs has formally requested indie duo The Twigs cease their protracted legal campaign, citing an “administrative absurdity” in the ongoing Twigs trademark dispute.
Music
Immanuel Wilkins Comes Alive, Alarming Bandmates and Local Wildlife
Jazz phenom Immanuel Wilkins Comes Alive, literally, mid-performance, alarming bandmates and prompting a reevaluation of what it means to truly ‘feel the music.’
Music
Valero Refinery Blast Unveils Interdimensional Corporate Retreat
Following a Valero refinery blast, employees transcended traditional work-life balance, discovering a new realm of perpetual corporate engagement.
Music
Ashnikko’s ‘Smoochie Girl’ Selection Sparks Global Outcry
Ashnikko’s ‘Smoochie Girl’ coronation drew criticism. Experts questioned the selection criteria. The winner remains under scrutiny.
Music
J. Cole Disgusted by Beef Aftermath, Demands Duel Etiquette Be Restored
J. Cole disgusted by the recent rap beef’s descent into ‘politics,’ demands a return to gentlemanly diss tracks and formal dueling protocols.
Music
Earl Sweatshirt and MIKE Announce Tour Dates, May Bring Back Actual Pompeii
Earl Sweatshirt and MIKE announced Australian tour dates for their upcoming album POMPEII // UTILITY. Fans speculate about historical reenactments.
Music
J. Cole ‘Disgusted’ By ‘Whole Campaign’ Of People Enjoying His Music
J. Cole is ‘disgusted’ by the ‘whole campaign’ against his music, claiming fans are unfairly targeting him. He vows to expose critics.
Music
Courtney Love Comes Around On Geese, Calls Them ‘My Boys’
Singer embraces band after initially questioning their ‘gatekeeping elder millennial troll fans’.