Music
Noah Kahan Superstar Status Triggers Existential Dread
Noah Kahan’s newfound superstar status has triggered a deep crisis of confidence, leaving the singer longing for anonymity and small venues.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Debuts New Song With Weyes Blood, Declares ‘Sadness Is Trendy’
Olivia Rodrigo debuted a new, melancholic song with Weyes Blood at a secret LA show. The performance signaled a new, sadder era for the pop star.
Music
Che’s New Songs “Tell U Sum” & “Nosferatu” Accidentally Summon Ancient Evil
Atlanta rapper Che’s new tracks “Tell U Sum” and “Nosferatu” are linked to supernatural events. Fans report levitating furniture and vampire sightings.
Music
Planned Parenthood Embraces Botox Funding to Offset Federal Cuts
Planned Parenthood clinics nationwide are turning to innovative Botox funding to offset federal cuts, offering wrinkle reduction services.
Music
Xaviersobased Australia Tour Sparks Confusion Among Local Wildlife
The Xaviersobased Australia Tour unexpectedly turned local wildlife into raving fans. Kangaroos mosh-pitted, and koalas demanded better eucalyptus. Zoologists are baffled.
Music
Zara Larsson’s Midnight Sun: Girls Trip’ Overflows With Guest Artists
Zara Larsson’s “Midnight Sun: Girls Trip” deluxe edition now features an unprecedented, and arguably unmanageable, number of guest artists.
Music
The Red Clay Strays Announce 2026 Tour: Fans Initiate Two-Year Preparation Protocol
The Red Clay Strays Announce 2026 North American Tour, prompting fans to begin unprecedented long-term planning for the distant future. Cryogenic sleep considered.
Music
Chornobyl Exclusion Zone Residents Demand Better WiFi, Less Mutated Wildlife
Residents of the Chornobyl Exclusion Zone, marking Chornobyl at 40, are reportedly frustrated by poor internet service and an influx of surprisingly resilient, yet inconveniently mutated, wildlife.
Music
DOJ Drops Jerome Powell Probe, Citing Novel Distraction
The DOJ drops criminal probe into Fed chair Jerome Powell after agents became engrossed in an unexpected, non-criminal curiosity.
Music
Tyla Announces Sophomore Album A*Pop, Industry Shuts Down to Relearn Music
Experts Scramble to Update Encyclopedias; Sound Engineers Report “Auditory Paradoxes.”
Music
Skepta Abandons Grime For Syncopated Beats, Fans Report Mild Disorientation
Grime legend Skepta is making house music now, sparking confusion among fans. His shift to steady 4/4 beats has left the scene disoriented.
Music
Government Committee Unveils The 5 Best Songs Of The Week (According to Bureaucracy)
Musical merit deemed ‘potentially destabilizing’ by adjudicators.
Music
Orphan Donor Ailments: Band Unveils New Album, Cites Self-Diagnosis
Critics anticipate widespread sonic malaise, listeners brace for paper cut ballads.
Music
Rosco P. Coldchain Releases Album, Finally Plays With Something Safe
Rosco P. Coldchain finally dropped ‘Play With Something Safe,’ an album designed for maximum, unchallenging appeal.
Music
PARTYOF2’s ‘2 NIGHTS IN LA’ Extends Indefinitely Due to Administrative Error
PARTYOF2’s ‘2 NIGHTS IN LA’ concert series inexplicably stretched for three weeks, baffling fans and professional calendar-keepers alike. Confusion reigned.
Music
Pupil Slicer & Tayne’s “W.N.” Single Causes Minor Existential Dread
Pupil Slicer & Tayne’s new single “W.N.” induces existential dread. Listeners question reality after the intense sonic experience.
Music
D4vd Quietly Dropped by Label After Executives Realize He Was Still Signed
Singer D4vd was quietly dropped from his major record label after an internal audit revealed executives had forgotten he was even on the roster.
Music
LE SSERAFIM’s ‘CELEBRATION’ Era Unveils Humanity’s Fragility, Sparkles
LE SSERAFIM’s ‘CELEBRATION’ era promises a deeply personal journey into the universal human condition, complete with synchronized despair and glitter.