TO: All Regional Promotion Leads
FROM: Gary Sterling, SVP of Integrated Synergy
DATE: October 24, 2026
RE: Emergency Protocol: Kid Rock collaboration fails to chart
Team, we need to address the performance of 'Heal My Faith.' The track completely flopped on the Billboard Hot 100 this week. We expected this unity anthem to bridge the political divide. Instead, both side-A and side-B demographics united in turning off the radio. Our preliminary data shows a total collapse across all major demographics.
Catastrophic Streaming Numbers
Initial projections suggested a massive crossover hit. We built a custom marketing campaign around middle-American reconciliation. 'We assumed bringing these two together would solve culture wars,' said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. 'Instead, our data proves that bad music transcends political ideology. Everyone hated it equally.'
We need immediate damage control on all streaming platforms. Focus your efforts on curated country and hip-hop playlists. Spotify users are skipping the track within four seconds. That is faster than the average podcast ad. Please instruct your street teams to stop handing out promotional CDs at highway off-ramps.
New Strategy Going Forward
We are shifting our promotional budget to localized radio buys. Focus exclusively on dental office waiting rooms and tire repair shops. 'The target listener needs to be physically unable to change the station,' said Brenda Vance, Vice President of Involuntary Audio Exposure. 'If the listener has hands, they skip the song. We must find audiences holding heavy machinery or covered in grease.'
It turns out that a Kid Rock collaboration cannot fix the nation. Moving forward, our quarterly strategy will focus entirely on selling novelty foam fingers. We need to recoup the six-figure budget we spent on swamp boat rentals for the music video.
