Music
Groundbreaking Quantum Turing Award Goes to Schrödinger’s Cat
The prestigious Turing computing award went to quantum science for the first time, awarded to Schrödinger’s Cat for its observational state collapse work.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Texas Senate Runoff Locks Candidates in Perpetual Battle
The Texas Senate runoff candidates, John Cornyn and Ken Paxton, are now locked in an eternal electoral battle after the withdrawal deadline mysteriously vanished.
Music
Jack Harlow’s Identity Crisis Now Public Landmark Following ‘Monica’ Release
Jack Harlow’s identity crisis has been officially acknowledged as a public phenomenon after his album ‘Monica,’ baffling critics and leading to urgent public safety advisories.
Music
Kehlani Announces New Self-Titled Album, Confounds Naming Experts
Pop star Kehlani announced a new self-titled album simply called ‘Kehlani.’ The title decision sparked widespread confusion among fans and industry analysts.
Music
DJ Seinfeld Album Title Triggers Existential Crisis for Fans
DJ Seinfeld’s new album, “If This Is It,” has plunged fans into an existential crisis, interpreting the title as a grim final warning.
Music
Byron Bay Bluesfest Refunds Vanish Into ‘Experiential Void’
Byron Bay Bluesfest refunds have vanished, organizers claim, as attendees are told their money transcended into a ‘non-corporeal realm’ of pure experience.
Music
Sanna Marin Election Concession: Finland Chooses Beige Over Bop
Finland’s Prime Minister Sanna Marin conceded election defeat. The nation, reportedly weary of competence and global goodwill, chose a more sedate path.
Music
Kehlani’s Self-Titled Album Stuns Public With Artist’s Own Name
Kehlani’s self-titled album announcement surprised fans, as many wondered why it took five LPs for the artist to remember her own name.
Music
Robbie Williams Sets Stadium Tour of Australia, New Zealand; Nation Braces
Robbie Williams Sets Stadium Tour for Australia and New Zealand, targeting remote towns and fiords. The pop star seeks artisanal marmalade, leaving locals bewildered.
Music
Peter Frampton’s Comeback Album Requires Team of Vocal Stand-Ins
Peter Frampton’s comeback album, ‘Frampton Comes Alive Again,’ reportedly required an army of guest artists and vocal specialists to prevent strain on his voice.
Music
Finland PM’s Defeat Blamed on Nation’s Sudden Allergy to Fun
Experts confirm voters simply could not tolerate a leader who occasionally experienced joy.
Music
Masked Microtonal Math Rock Duo Angine de Poitrine Tour Sparks Mass Existential Crises
The Masked Microtonal Math Rock Duo Angine de Poitrine announce their new album and first US tour, sparking fears of widespread cognitive dissonance.
Music
Rise Against Announce Fall 2026 US Tour With Alkaline Trio
Rise Against Announce Fall 2026 US Tour with Alkaline Trio. Bands promise ‘maximum noise, minimum coherence.’
Music
Jay-Z To Headline Roots Picnic, First Festival In 7 Years
Jay-Z headlines the Roots Picnic, his first festival gig in 7 years. The hip-hop legend reunites with The Roots for a highly anticipated performance.
Music
Peter Frampton Announces First Album in 16 Years, Hopes It’s “Okay”
Peter Frampton’s first album in 16 years is coming, and he’s just hoping it’s ‘okay.’ Collaborations with Sheryl Crow, H.E.R., and Tom Morello add star power.
Music
Lollapalooza 2026 Lineup Features More Algorithms Than Artists
Lollapalooza 2026 lineup revealed, featuring AI-curated acts. Organizers claim advanced algorithms will provide optimal emotional resonance.
Music
Ella Langley Dominates Hot Country Songs, Beyoncé & Taylor Swift Bewildered
Ella Langley’s Hot Country Songs chart dominance leaves pop superstars Beyoncé and Taylor Swift bewildered.
Music
Kid Rock Unleashes Fury Over DOJ Live Nation Settlement
Kid Rock remains utterly disgusted by the DOJ’s Live Nation settlement, demanding a more “visceral and public” corporate dismantling.