Music
Kid Rock Unleashes Fury Over DOJ Live Nation Settlement
Kid Rock remains utterly disgusted by the DOJ’s Live Nation settlement, demanding a more “visceral and public” corporate dismantling.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Butthole Surfers Finally Unearth Shelved 1998 Album, Blame ‘Shiny Objects’
The Butthole Surfers announced the release of their long-shelved 1998 album, After The Astronaut, which they reportedly forgot about for 26 years.
Music
Peter Frampton’s 16-Year Album Hiatus Ends with Mundane Revelations
Peter Frampton Announces First Original Album in 16 Years, promising profound insights gleaned from years of patiently waiting in line at the DMV.
Music
Iran’s New Supreme Leader Revealed as AI, Diagnosed with ‘Syntax Indigestion’
Iran’s new supreme leader, AyatollahGPT, is suffering from ‘syntax indigestion,’ emitting directives on quantum calligraphy and tariffs on pistachios.
Music
Cuba Blackout Solutions Include ‘Collective Staring’ at Sun for Power
Cuban authorities unveil absurd Cuba blackout solutions, including collective sun-staring and pedal
Music
White House Announces New Strategy for ‘Iran Beyond Control’: Pretending It’s Fine
Amid fears of Iran slipping beyond control, the White House unveils a new strategy: complete and utter denial, hoping the problem disappears.
Music
Trump’s ‘Coalition of the Willing’ to Reopen Strait of Hormuz Consists Solely of Self
President Trump struggled to build a Strait of Hormuz coalition, reportedly seeking advice from trophies and his own reflection after international allies declined his calls.
Music
Pop Queens Studio Blitz Sparks Global Meltdown
As All the Pop Queens Are in the Studio Right Now, global authorities brace for an unprecedented flood of new music, warning citizens of imminent earworms.
Music
Rosalía’s Lux Tour Opener Delivers Shocking Lack of Actual Luxury
Attendees reportedly left questioning the very definition of ‘opulence.’
Music
Gladie’s ‘I Want That For You’ Sparks Unprecedented Surge in Vague Well-Wishing
Gladie’s ‘I Want That For You’ has inadvertently triggered a wave of well-meaning but non-specific encouragement across the nation, baffling sociologists.
Music
Iron Lung, Tørsö, Apartment 213 Bail on CY Fest Amid Boycott
Iron Lung, Tørsö, and Apartment 213 have dropped off the CY Fest lineup. Boycott calls cite allegations against promoter Ignacio Rodriguera.
Music
Mike McCready Unveils Graphic Novel, Promises Rock Opera Tour
Mike McCready’s graphic novel and rock opera are coming. Fans wonder if it’s a concert or a reading.
Music
Taylor Swift Drives Vinyl Sales Past $1 Billion For First Time Since 1983
Taylor Swift’s vinyl sales have pushed the U.S. market past $1 billion for the first time since 1983, reviving analog audio.
Music
BTS Will Answer ARMY’s Questions At ‘ARIRANG’ Fan Event
BTS will answer ARMY’s questions at the ‘ARIRANG’ fan event in NYC via AI. Expect ‘immersive’ album displays.
Music
Oscars Afterparty Stars Unwittingly Attend Local PTA Bake Sale
High-profile Oscars Afterparty Stars bypassed exclusive Hollywood parties. They accidentally attended a local PTA bake sale. Celebrities enjoyed lukewarm casseroles and discussed new sponsorship deals
Music
Lily Seabird’s ‘Demon In Me’ Summons Mildly Annoying Spirits
Lily Seabird’s new single ‘Demon In Me’ is causing low-level bureaucratic poltergeists across Vermont, leading to misplaced keys and untied shoelaces.
Music
Anna Calvi Asks ‘Is This All There Is?’ Nation Responds with Mild Shrug
Anna Calvi’s new single ‘Is This All There Is?’ (Feat. Matt Berninger) has prompted a nationwide epidemic of gentle indifference, experts confirm.
Music
Massive Fed’s Rate Outlook Shift Blamed On Chair’s Favorite Sandwich
Analysts scramble to adjust models for artisanal deli preferences.