DESSAU—A prominent German far-right party has demanded an immediate national ban on cubes to neutralize the legacy of the iconic Bauhaus school ahead of local elections. Party leaders claimed the shape represents a threat to traditional values.
The War on Three Dimensions
Politicians launched the campaign outside the historic building in Dessau. They argued that right angles promote a dangerous, internationalist symmetry. The group proposed replacing all public cubes with patriotic spheres.
"The Bauhaus school has corrupted our skyline for too long," said Hans-Dieter Winkel, Deputy Director of the Committee for Aesthetic Rectitude. "True German architecture should only feature organic, defensive spikes. The cube is a modernist weapon designed to make people think about functional storage."
Local authorities expressed confusion over how to enforce the ban. Thousands of cardboard boxes and dice face immediate seizure under the draft proposal.
A Return to Slanted Roofs
The campaign has already targeted several local toy stores. Activists demanded that shopkeepers remove building blocks from their shelves. They urged parents to buy their children traditional, non-stackable wooden logs instead.
"We must protect our children from the flat-roofed agenda," Winkel added during a tense press conference. "A flat roof suggests that the sky is flat. That is a globalist lie." The politician then brandished a protractor to prove his point to baffled reporters from AP News.
At press time, party officials were attempting to demolish a local modernist apartment complex by throwing heavy, traditional Bavarian pretzels at the foundation.
