WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an immediate recall today for all KPop Demon Hunters advent calendars. Federal officials warn the holiday merchandise poses severe supernatural hazards to consumers. The affected products contain 24 daily gifts inspired by the hit animated movie. However, several windows contain authentic ancient wards that inadvertently summon subterranean entities into residential homes.
Hazard Description and Incidents
Regulators identified a structural defect behind door nine of the KPop Demon Hunters advent calendars. Opening the cardboard flap breaks a sacred sigil. This action opens a localized portal directly to the Netherrealm. Consumers reported aggressive spectral activity immediately after extracting the enclosed glitter pens and plastic charms. At least forty families reported floating furniture and backwards chanting before reaching mid-December.
"We intended to package fun anime stationery," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "Unfortunately, our supply chain sourced cardboard from an cursed altar in Prague. Opening door 12 will summon a minor imp named Galthor. Galthor will chew through your fiber optic cables."
Affected Units and Identification
The recall affects approximately 500,000 units of the KPop Demon Hunters advent calendars sold nationwide. The units feature neon graphics of animated idol groups holding glowing swords. Affected serial numbers end in the digits 666-X. If your calendar begins bleeding warm salt water from the door marked December 18, stop using it immediately.
"My daughter just wanted cute boyband stickers," reported mother Sarah Jenkins of Ohio. "Instead, a glowing pentagram scorched our kitchen island. A phantom chorus sang four-part harmony while my refrigerator hovered. The choreography was impressive, but the demon ate our cat's food."
Remedy and Safe Disposal
Consumers should immediately stop using the KPop Demon Hunters advent calendars. Do not attempt to open the remaining doors. Store the product inside a circle of holy salt until safe disposal occurs. Consumers may return the defective product to any major retailer for a full refund. The manufacturer will also provide a free bottle of blessed oil.
At press time, regulators urged citizens not to burn the calendars, as combustion merely grants the demons permanent physical forms.
