TO: All Production Staff
FROM: A24 Executive Task Force
RE: Strategy for the Benny Safdie adaptation of Lizard Music
We need to talk about the upcoming Safdie Lizard Music movie. Production begins next week. The executive board is deeply concerned about the current cast dynamics. Benny Safdie hired seven chaotic actors. He put them in one room. We now have a serious situation on our hands. Dwayne Johnson refuses to wear shoes. Jeff Goldblum is speaking exclusively in jazz scat. We need a stabilizing force immediately.
The Musical Anchor Strategy
Management officially hired British singer-songwriter Raye for the Safdie Lizard Music movie. She will voice a CGI reptile. She will also write original songs. More importantly, she will act as an emotional anchor for the cast. Her smooth pop vocals must overpower the noise. Otherwise, the film will become an unstructured three-hour fever dream.
"We calculated the sheer entropy of this ensemble," said Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence at Spotify. "You cannot combine Rachel McAdams, Regina Hall, and Colman Domingo without structural damage. Raye’s signature brass arrangements provide crucial structural integrity. Without her hooks, this film will trigger severe anxiety in audience test groups."
Safety Protocols for Set Workers
The memo outlines strict onset rules for the Safdie Lizard Music movie. Sound engineers must prioritize Raye's vocal tracks at all times. If Alicia Silverstone attempts to perform an unscripted monologue about giant reptiles, crew members must play Raye's single "Escapism" at high volumes. This will reset the actors' neurological baselines.
"I tried to pitch a five-minute guitar solo," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "Raye immediately handed me a sheet music diagram and told me to sit down. She is the only person on set with an actual work ethic. The rest of us are just running around in lizard costumes."
Sincerely,
A24 Management
(Note: If Raye quits this project, the entire studio will fold. We spent the whole budget on Dwayne Johnson's protein shakes. Please do not tell her.)
