FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CUPERTINO, CA—Consumer electronics giant Apple Inc. today celebrated a breakthrough consumer milestone after an influential tech journalist confirmed that taking two iPhones on vacation is the ultimate way to achieve complete personal harmony. The travel strategy allows users to double their screen time while attempting to escape reality.
Synergistic Relaxation Metrics
"We are thrilled to revolutionize how travelers ignore their families abroad," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "Carrying two iPhones on vacation doubles your opportunity to check Slack while standing in the ocean. It creates a seamless bridge between working remotely and not relaxing at all."
According to internal metrics, carrying a second device prevents the user from experiencing a single unrecorded thought. Early adopters report spending up to four hours per day managing battery levels across both units. This task successfully distracts travelers from the crushing existential weight of paid time off.
Unprecedented Dual-Wielding Efficiency
"I used to just look at a palm tree," said veteran tech reviewer Arthur Pendelton. "Now I look at a palm tree through a primary camera lens while monitoring device temperature on my secondary display. Taking two iPhones on vacation completely restored my ability to evaluate mobile hardware under harsh tropical sunlight."
About Apple Inc.: Apple designs products that consume every waking second of human consciousness. The company specializes in manufacturing artificial needs, creating dongles for problems that did not exist yesterday, and convincing grown adults that carrying two identical glass rectangles into a tropical rainforest constitutes peak lifestyle design.
