MIAMI— A leaked federal court transcript revealed surprising corruption regarding the Latin Airplay Label of the Year award presented by Ozuna to Sony Music US Latin president Alex Gallardo. Prosecutors questioned industry executives under oath regarding the award's legitimacy. The transcript details a sprawling network of radio payola and extreme executive bribery.
Q: Mr. Gallardo, did you accept the Latin Airplay Label trophy from Ozuna in exchange for cash?
A: Absolutely not. Cash is outdated. We traded him three radio stations in Bogota and a literal jetpack.
Q: You bribed a global superstar with military-grade aviation technology?
A: That is standard procedure for the Latin Airplay Label honors. Warner offered him a submarine last year. We had to top their bid.
Q: Let the record show the witness is pointing at a glowing briefcase. Is it true your label controls every car radio frequency in the Western Hemisphere?
A: Not every frequency. We lost control of a pirate station in Tampa last Tuesday. Otherwise, yes. We force-feed reggaeton directly into car engines.
Q: So the Latin Airplay Label award is not based on actual broadcast data?
A: Chart data is a myth invented by Billboard in 1994. We just throw dartboards at giant photos of Sony Music executives.
Q: Are you testifying that every radio award since 2010 was rigged?
A: Rigged is a strong word. We prefer the term aggressively pre-destined by corporate decree.
Q: Does TikTok Chief Vibes Compliance Officer Priya Vantablack know about this scheme?
A: Priya designed the system. She encrypted our entire payola database inside dance trends.
Q: So when children perform those 15-second viral dances, they are laundering payola?
A: Yes. Every hip sway generates three cents of unregistered radio royalty capital.
Q: No further questions. Your Honor, the government rests its case against the entire music industry.
