TO: All OVO Sound Creative Associates
FROM: Marcus 'Chalice' Montgomery, VP of Drake Emotional Logistics
RE: Distribution Strategy for the Drake Fear of Missing Out Project
Please review these guidelines immediately. As you know, September 15 marks the official release of our next major asset. Do not refer to this release as an album. Do not refer to it as a playlist. Internal testing confirms that the Drake Fear of Missing Out project is a not so short film. The total runtime currently stands at fourteen hours. It features twelve hours of Drake staring at his phone in a dimly lit kitchen.
Corporate Screening Guidelines
Our streaming partners require specific metadata formatting. "We must prepare the public for this cinematic event," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. "Users cannot skip tracks because there are no tracks. It is one continuous shot of Aubrey contemplating a text message." Spotify will host the Drake Fear of Missing Out file on a new server dedicated entirely to slow-pacing Canadian drama.
Marketing will adjust all billboard assets. Remove the word "LP" from all copy. Replace it with "A Maximalist Audiovisual Sigh." We need to assure fans that the length is necessary. The middle four hours focus entirely on his unread notifications.
Technical Specifications
Do not compress the audio. The silence between his sighs must remain in high-definition Dolby Atmos. "The emotional weight relies on the hum of his designer refrigerator," Montgomery added in the document. "If we cut even one minute of him checking his reflection in a microwave, the narrative structure collapses."
Please ensure all staff sign the non-disclosure agreements. We cannot let the public know that we shot the entire project in a single weekend because Drake's Wi-Fi went down and he genuinely did not know what else to do with his hands.
