NEW YORK—A federal courtroom became an indie rock deposition site yesterday as prosecutors scrutinized the announcement of the Liars new album, titled A Ban On Plastic Bag Bans. Frontman Angus Andrew sat on the witness stand to defend his latest project under the band's moniker. The prosecution alleges that the entire Liars new album serves as a shell corporation designed to write off thousands of dollars in vintage synthesizer purchases. Below is an excerpt from the official court transcript.
Q: Mr. Andrew, you claim this project is a band. Yet public records show you are the only remaining member. Is that correct?
A: Yes. I am the sole proprietor of the Liars brand entity.
Q: So when you marketed the Liars new album, you knowingly misrepresented the plural nature of your business assets to consumers?
A: It is a conceptual plural. In the art world, we call that creative accounting.
Q: Let the record show the witness smiled. Now, let us discuss the lead single, 'Ice Pick, Kalamazoo.' Our experts, including Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta, suggest this song does not actually exist. She claims it is merely a digital placeholder to trigger streaming royalty advances. What say you?
A: The song exists in a quantum state. It plays only when a venture capitalist clicks a link. We optimized the frequency for tax write-offs.
Q: Indeed. And isn't it true that the vinyl pressing for this Liars new album consists entirely of recycled medical waste to avoid environmental tariffs?
A: It gives the post-punk basslines a very warm, toxic crunch. Our fans in Kalamazoo prefer the heavy metals.
Q: Mr. Andrew, your entire label, Mute Records, appears to be a front for a luxury yacht charter. How do you respond?
A: We call that a distribution network. Every artist does it. I learned it from watching major labels write off entire world tours as agricultural losses.
