Music
As Skid Row Auditions New Vocalists, Sebastian Bach Joins Twisted Sister
Sebastian Bach will front Twisted Sister as Skid Row auditions new vocalists. Band members call him a ‘diamond in the rough.’
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Music
Ella Langley, Megan Moroney Achieve Historic Double-No. 1 Chart Takeover
Ella Langley and Megan Moroney’s historic double-no. 1 on Billboard charts proves country music’s chart power.
Music
BTS’s ‘Arirang’ Album Tracklist Revealed, Features Unexpected Guest
BTS revealed the tracklist for their new album ‘Arirang,’ featuring collaborations and a surprise guest. Drops March 20.
Music
Prince Daddy & The Hyena Announce New Album Hotwire Trip Switch, Confirm It’s A “Singles” Album
Prince Daddy & The Hyena announced their “singles” album Hotwire Trip Switch. The band claims it captures modern attention spans. Fans are confused.
Music
Rhododendron Announce New Album Ascent Effort: It’s A Lot
Rhododendron announced their new album Ascent Effort, promising a ‘climactic’ prog-rock experience. Early singles are reportedly very long.
Music
Killswitch Engage 2026 US Tour Promises Mildly Annoying Decibel Levels
Killswitch Engage’s 2026 US tour with Machine Head promises significant noise. Band members aim for ‘mild inconvenience’ levels.
Music
Greg Mendez Unveils ‘Beauty Land,’ Promises ‘Pretty’ Feelings
Greg Mendez announces new album ‘Beauty Land’ and single ‘I Wanna Feel Pretty,’ exploring the universal quest for aesthetic validation.
Music
Barry Manilow Health Update: Doctors Find New Lung Made of Platinum Records
Barry Manilow health update reveals doctors found a new lung made of platinum records. His medical team is baffled by the chart-topping organ.
Music
Alysa Liu’s Olympic Skate Catapults ‘MacArthur Park’ to Chart Peak
Alysa Liu’s Olympic figure skating performance unexpectedly launched Donna Summer’s ‘MacArthur Park’ to the top of the Billboard Dance/Electronic Songs chart.
Music
Dow Drops 700 Points: Market Mood Swings Blamed on Collective Financial Gut Feeling
As the Dow drops 700 points, market mood swings are identified as the primary culprit. Experts confirm the economy is just feeling a bit ‘off’ about the Iran conflict.
Music
Finland PM’s Downfall Linked To Nation’s Dire Lack Of Crocs
Finland PM’s defeat was due to her perceived aversion to comfort footwear. Voters reportedly grew tired of sensible shoes, demanding more Crocs.
Music
Texas Senate Primary Buys State Outright, Becomes Its Sole Owner
The Texas Senate Primary, already the most expensive in history, has officially purchased the entire state of Texas. Voters now receive a loyalty card.
Music
Hawley to Oppose Iran War Powers Resolution, Cites ‘Pre-War Naps’
Senator Josh Hawley announced opposition to the Iran war powers resolution, citing a need for personal ‘pre-war naps’ to ensure peak performance.
Music
Sex Pistols Tour Reschedule to Accommodate Guitarist’s ‘Picking Fatigue’
The Sex Pistols tour reschedule is official. Guitarist Steve Jones required wrist rest from “aggressive power chords.” Fans can expect a slightly slower, but still authentic, punk experience.
Business
Pronto Formalizes House Help, Installs Tiny Cubicles for ‘Efficiency Specialists’
Pronto formalizes house help by introducing corporate KPIs, tiny mobile cubicles, and mandatory synergy circles, transforming domestic work into a full-fledged corporate grind.
Business
Dow Futures Drop as Market Panics Over Existential Dread of Squirrel
Dow futures drop sharply as a local squirrel’s erratic nut-burying behavior sends markets into a tailspin, causing widespread economic panic globally.
Music
Maya Hawke Announces New Album, Plans To Sing Songs Live
Maya Hawke announced her fourth LP, “Devil You Know,” and a spring tour. Fans are excited for new music and live performances.
Music
DNC Narrows 2028 Convention Cities To Locations With Best Artisanal Kombucha
The DNC announced its 2028 DNC Convention cities. They were chosen for vibrant artisanal kombucha scenes, signaling a shift in party priorities.