TO: All Spotify Australia Staff
FROM: Regional Vice President of Cultural Compliance
RE: Mandatory streaming protocols for the Ausify campaign
Team, domestic market share recently dropped to an all-time low. Foreign pop stars currently dominate our regional servers. We must fix this immediately. Effective today, all employees will participate in the revived Ausify campaign.
New Listening Guidelines
Every office desktop must stream local artists continuously. You must play Missy Higgins on loop during business hours. Leave your devices running overnight. Muting the audio violates company policy. Our automated filters will detect silent playback. Turn your speakers up to a reasonable level.
"We need to flood the algorithm with genuine domestic passion," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "If that requires playing Budjerah at full volume in an empty breakroom, so be it."
Mandatory Playlist Targets
Management expects total compliance with the new initiative. The Ausify campaign requires a 400 percent increase in local plays by Friday. We must make Australian citizens appear intensely loyal to native acts. Do not let American rap interrupt this critical corporate recovery effort.
"Our servers are burning through kilowatts just playing 'Catch My Disease' on repeat," said Marcus Thorne, Senior VP of Regional Data Manipulation. "That is the small price of patriotism."
Please remember the core goal of the Ausify campaign. We must manipulate the domestic numbers high enough so the government forgets to tax our streaming revenue this quarter. Thank you for your forced compliance.
