WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an immediate recall today for the newly released Ratboys deluxe album. The expanded edition of Singin’ To An Empty Chair contains extreme acoustic hazards. Officials cited a massive risk of property damage. The danger stems specifically from the bonus tracks.
Severe Structural Hazards Detected
Government inspectors found that the PUP cover of "The Wind" creates dangerous vibrations. The frequencies shake drywall loose. "We recorded 114 decibels of pure, unregulated Toronto angst," said Marcus Bellweather, Spotify's Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. "Our algorithms predicted mild nostalgia. Instead, the track physically cracked a testing laboratory foundation in Maryland." The agency advises all citizens to stop playing the Ratboys deluxe album immediately.
Affected Units and Remedies
The recall affects all digital streams, vinyl pressings, and promotional cassettes. Regulators also flagged the Wild Pink contribution. That song apparently induces sudden, uncontrollable weeping in motorists. "The emotional payload of the Wild Pink cover exceeds federal safety limits," warned Dr. Aris Thorne, Chief of Sonic Volatility at the FCC. "Drivers became too misty-eyed to see the highway." Affected consumers must delete the Ratboys deluxe album from their libraries to prevent domestic plaster damage.
Exchange Program Details
The band offered to replace the hazardous covers with silent audio files. This option will keep homes safe. Users can also exchange their copies for a standard, non-structural-threatening edition of the record. At press time, federal agents were wearing heavy-duty earmuffs to confiscate a shipment of the Bad Bad Hats track from a warehouse in Minneapolis.
